Ty Ranks the 2017 NFL Teams: The "Phantom Menance" Edition

Continuing my 2017 NFL countdown I have my next 4 teams. These teams still are pretty awful, but not as bad as the teams I did yesterday. Lets get to it.

Coming in at number 28 I have the Los Angeles Rams. I accidentally almost wrote Saint Louis. I am still a little annoyed that Kroenke moved the team. Regardless, this team is still pretty awful. What they do have is a great defense, especially if they can get Aaron Donald to end his holdout.(they need to pay the man) They have a very good pass rush and D-Line. Their secondary, while young, can make plays here and there. And their linebackers, they are just fine. The defense is good enough to keep this team in, if they are stout enough, 6 games. They will most definitely play Seattle tough, they always do. What holds this team back is their atrocious offense. They have a great, otherworldly running back in Todd Gurley. But, he has no O-Line to open holes for him. The receiving corps, even with the addition of Sammy Watkins, is truly bad. Maybe second only to the Jets as the worst in the league. And their QB, Jared Goff, is a bust. I am already saying it. I know they have said that he has been "lights out" in camp, but everyone has, with the exception of Christian Hackenberg. Goff is not a good QB. He isn't even a starting QB in my opinion. The Rams have a new head coach too. He is younger than me. He is supposed to be some QB guru, but I don't think anyone can work with Goff. Unfortunately, at least for the Rams defense, this team will continue to be a 4 or 5 win team. Todd Gurley deserves better than this.

At number 27 I have the Jacksonville Jaguars. Again, this team has a something that looks like a real NFL defense. They have made some big free agent signings, and I really like Jalen Ramsey as their top corner, but they need a better D-Line and some accountable linebackers. They can be great, but right now, they are average. This is another team where the problem lies with the offense. They have good receivers. Allen Robinson is good. Allen Hurns is good. Hell, Dede Westbrook may even be able to contribute right away. They took my favorite player in the draft, Leonard Fournette, but he is already injured. Hopefully they play it safe with him. But, they do have Chris Ivory, who stunk last year, but I think that has to do with a mediocre line. He could have a bounce back year. They also still have TJ Yeldon too. They have some backs. The problem here is with Blake Bortles. He is bad. I mean, real bad. He is the worst garbage time QB I have ever watched. He doesn't win games for this team, but he sure as hell loses them. Bortles is done, toast, finito. They need to get rid of him. I know their backup is Chad Henne, but at least he has been on decent teams before. Blake Bortles is the second worst starter in the entire NFL, behind only Hackenberg, and he will continue to hold this team back from winning anything of importance.

At number 26 I have the Miami Dolphins. Some may see that and think that is way too far down for this team. They were in the playoffs last year. They have a good run game, good D-Line and some good receivers. Why are they so low on your list? Well, one name, Jay Cutler. The Dolphins would have been in the early teens on my list if Ryan Tannehill didn't get hurt. He did, and instead of reaching out to Tony Romo or giving Colin Kaepernick his much due contract, they went out and signed Jay god damn Cutler. I hope Miami fans like to watch a guy that will throw crushing pick sixes, then walk to the sideline like he did nothing wrong. I hope they like watching a guy that will quit on them the moment he gets one knick or bruise or hit. I hope they enjoy watching a guy that doesn't even want to be there. He is going to be a nightmare. He is going to waste a year of Jarvis Landry, Kenny Stills and DeVante Parker. He is going to waste a year of Jay Ajayi and Kenyan Drake. He is going to yell at, and waste a year of a pretty decent O-Line. And Jay god damn Cutler is going to waste a defense with guys like Ndamukong Suh, Cameron Wake, Kiko Alonso and Michael Thomas because he just doesn't give a damn. The Dolphins should have stuck with Matt Moore, as I wrote awhile back, but no, they signed Jay Cutler. What a waste. That is the best word I can use to describe this upcoming year for the Dolphins, waste.

My final team for today, coming in at number 25, I have the Buffalo Bills. This is the same team that just traded their best receiver, and I know that Watkins gets hurt a lot, but he was their best outside threat. This team is also over using LeSean McCoy. They make him carry and catch the ball way too much, and it is catching up with him. As much as I might like Tyrod Taylor, he just isn't a viable starter in the NFL. He tucks and runs too much. He is a tremendous athlete, but he needs to throw more. Their O-Line is good, but I actively root against them because they signed Richie Incognito, and that guy is the worst. I despise him and everything he stands for. And now that they traded Watkins, they do not have any wide receiver threats. Do guys like Charles Clay, Andre Holmes, Zay Jones(he's a rookie) and Rashard Ross really strike fear into any opposing secondary? No way. Besides McCoy, none of the backup running backs are any good. But, the Bills do have a pretty stout defense. Marcell Dareus as been as good as advertised. Shaq Lawson is coming along fine. Reggie Ragland is a good linebacker. They did lose Stephon Gilmore, and while Micah Hyde may not be as good as Gilmore is, it helps cushion the blow a bit. The Bills do have a defense that will not only keep them in games, but could even win them a game or 2. Still, the Bills will lucky to win 6 games this year. Their offense is so far behind. As I said with Gurley, I will say with McCoy, he deserves better.

That is it for today. Come back tomorrow for my next 4 teams.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He will be happy once we get past the teams that are only watchable on the Red Zone channel. Just  few more days.

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Ty Watches "Bar Rescue": Sidelines Bar and Grill Edition

This week's "Bar Rescue" was your run of the mill, "not only save a bar, but a family" episode. The bar was called Sidelines Bar and Grill, and it was in a small town in Florida. The bar had the typical story. They thrived at first, the owner then decided to switch to a full sports bar, lost some regulars and started to drink. He then drank some more and yelled at his staff, 2 of which are his sons, more than run the everyday business of the bar. He was a drunk that used physical violence as opposed to words to solve conflicts.

Like always, Taffer didn't care for this, neither did his experts, and when the owner hit one of his sons in the face, Taffer stormed in and went off. First off, the son that got popped, he did nothing but berate his brother in the kitchen. He would constantly annoy him, then go play on his phone and do nothing. The younger brother worked hard, but he was dirty. He never washed his hands, labeled anything and cooked and cleaned with no gloves. It was gross. The front of the house tried their hardest, but they had no guidance, and with the owner constantly drinking, they fell into a hole of bad habits. When Taffer came in, he berated everyone, but mainly the owner. The owner threatened to fight him, remember he was drunk, but when he calmed down, they all got to cleaning.

The next day the bar was fit to train, and they got to it. The drinks were easy, the food was easier to execute. It was made so they would look good during stress test. And during said stress test, they started out strong. But things fell apart due to no soda guns, a small bar station and no communication between front of house and kitchen. They closed up, went to a different bar to train and Taffer and crew got to fixing up the old bar. But, first Taffer had to have a sit down with the father and his 2 sons. Tears were shed, things were promised and Taffer left the conversation with his creepy smile on his face.

The staff got their training, and were sent home to come back the next day for the reopening. When they arrived, Taffer revealed the new bar and new name. He changed the name to Lake Shore, blah, and it had the look of a beach house. It was a typical fix. They had some new benches, barstools, a bar top, an outside seating area, new POS systems, multiple soda guns and, of course, a lifetime subscription to Partender and Taffer Virtual Teaching. All the same stuff he gives every bar this season.

During reopen they did great, obviously. The owner stopped drinking and the kitchen staff was cranking out orders with 7 minute ticket times. The bartenders did have a hiccup here and there, but they righted the ship and things ran smoothly after that. At the 6 week checkup, sales were up 17 percent from the previous year and the owner stopped drinking on the job. The brothers were doing better in the kitchen, but the older one was still ribbing the younger brother, as brothers do.

As I said, run of the mill episode. That is not to say it wasn't entertaining, it was just a very typical episode. Come back next week for a quick recap of the next episode.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He sometimes think that it would be good for Taffer to do a heart to heart between the head editor and Ty. Tears will not be shed, but fists will be thrown.

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Ty Ranks the 2017 NFL Teams: The "Attack of the Clones" Edition

Football is almost here. We are about 2 and a half weeks from the college football season and about 3 weeks from the NFL kickoff to the 2017 season. The next 2 weeks are going to be all football from me. I did my politics yesterday and I will still do mini recaps of "Bar Rescue", and any movie or music I may hear the next couple weeks, but for the most part, it is going to be football all day, everyday. As I did last year, I'm going to count down the teams from 32-1. I will give a few sentences as to why I put the teams where I put them, and move on to the next one. At the end of my countdown, I will do predictions and award winners. The next day, I will do my NCAA football preview. Alright, lets get to it.

Coming in at number 32, the worst team in the NFL will be the New York Jets. The Jets are an absolute train wreck, and it has nothing to do with Todd Bowles. I actually think he is a decent coach, but that front office has left him with nothing to work with. They let Eric Decker, Ryan Fitzpatrick, Geno Smith, David Harris, Darelle Revis and Brandon Marshall leave and got nothing in return. Their receiving core is a joke. They have no one of any importance. Bilal Powell is a good running back, but when teams load the box every down, he will be lucky to average 3 yards a carry. The line is older, and worse. Their QB is Christian Hackenberg. That should strike fear in all Jets fans across the country. As far as all accounts from preseason training camps, where everyone is supposedly doing great, he couldn't even break a huddle properly. The 7 year olds I coach in flag football know how to break a huddle. He is going to stink. As far as their defense, they still have Sheldon Richardson, but he may get suspended like he has the past 2 years, and I don't think he is 100 percent engaged in football. They got rid of David Harris, their mainstay middle linebacker, without telling the coach. Their secondary is a joke too. This team is a disaster. I wouldn't be surprised if they go 0-16.

Coming in at number 31, I have the Chicago Bears. How can a team that finally got rid of Jay Cutler get worse? They can trade a bunch of picks to move up one spot and take Mitch Trubisky. Also, enough of this, "he looked great in their preseason opener against Denver". Denver was playing fourth string guys and were running completely vanilla coverages. Blake Bortles did this same thing as a rookie in preseason. Anyone still on the Blake Bortles bandwagon? I didn't think so. The Bears also went out and gave Mike Glennon a 3 year 45 million dollar contract. That was not a typo, you read that right. Oh, and they also signed Mark Sanchez. Yeesh. As far as the O Line, does it really matter with this team. They are going to be awful no matter what. They let Alshon Jeffrey walk, and their "top" receiver, Kevin White, has played in maybe 4 or 5 total games his NFL career. They have a decent run game with Jordan Howard and Jeremy Langford, but how much good will that do when they are always playing from behind. The run game will be moot. Their defense is not much better. They can't stop the run or the pass. You need to be able to stop both of those to win a good amount of football games. This once great franchise is at a very low point right now, and I don't think Trubisky or Glennon or Sanchez are the guys to dig them out. They will be cellar dwellers for awhile.

Coming in at number 30, I have the San Francisco 49ers. This is the team that fleeced the Bears, hence why they are one spot ahead of them in my countdown. Look, I actually like their defense a little bit. They made a great pick, when they had to move down one spot, and got Soloman Thomas. He is a great D-Lineman to build their run stop and pass rush around. They also have decent, young players in the secondary and at linebacker. The problem with this team is their offense. I think Carlos Hyde is one of the more overrated players in the NFL. People always mention him as a good fantasy player, or as a sleeper that can have a big year. I don't buy it. Their line is weak. Their receivers are worse than what the Rams have. And they wouldn't even try and resign Colin Kaepernick, who led them to a Super Bowl. They instead decided to sign Brian Hoyer. Why does Brian Hoyer keep getting jobs? He is not that good of a QB. I wouldn't even want him as a backup. They also hired Kyle Shanahan as their head coach after letting Chip Kelly go. Shanahan is a great coordinator, but how will he do as the top guy, and how will he recover from that epic collapse in the Super Bowl? Time will tell. And if they give Kirk Cousins an enormous contract after this season I will lose my god damn mind. Cousins is not some great QB that people, including Kyle Shanahan, keep saying he is. The 49ers are in the midst of a deep rebuilding project. At least they got one over on the Bears at the draft. That may be their biggest win of the 2017 season.

Coming in at number 29 I have the Cleveland Browns. I really can't grasp what this team is trying to do. They went out and signed some good O-Lineman this offseason, but does it really matter when Cody Kessler, Brock Osweiler or Deshone Kizer are the QB? Also, who is their running back? I have no idea. That is not a good sign. They also let Terelle Pryor walk, and he was their best receiving threat since Josh Gordon. I cannot figure out what they are trying to establish as their identity on offense. It is maddening, and I do not even like this team. And on defense, I know they gave former Patriot, who was traded in the middle of the season, Jamie Collins big time money, but is he really a cornerstone for any defense? They also reached big time for Jabrill Peppers in the late first round. I love Peppers, he was electrifying for Michigan, but I do not see how that translates to the pros. He is too small to play linebacker and not a good enough cover to play corner. I hope he proves me wrong because I want all Michigan players to succeed, but I do not see it yet. As far as their D-Line, it is very ho hum. They do not have any single pass rusher or run stopper that really excels. Same thing for their secondary. It is incredibly average. Hue Jackson deserves better than this, but he willingly took this job. The Browns will continue to be irrelevant until they get some competent players.

That is it for today. Come back tomorrow for my next 4 teams.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He will always root for a former Wolverine int he NFL, unless they play for the Rams. Screw that team and their terrible owner.

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We Need to Talk About Charlottesville

This is the only god damn flag a true American should be waving.

Today I was supposed to start my NFL preview. Today I was going to talk about a sport I love, and am very much looking forward to. But, due to the horrific events in Charlottesville, Virginia this past weekend, that will have to wait until tomorrow. I have been feeling so many emotions since late Friday night into Saturday morning, and I did not know how to let them out. I didn't want to do it on Facebook or Twitter. My family is sick of me constantly complaining to them, although they have been a great help to me, letting me vent and go off the entire weekend, about this horrible, disgusting and disturbing "government". I try to stay away from the politics on the site and the podcast, but enough is enough. I have a platform, and I am going to use it to the best of my abilities.

What happened this past weekend was tragic and horrifying. These asshole, never been hugged by daddy, always griping about their dumbass plight cowards, are the lowest of the low. They are the worst of the worst. They are the type of people that are pure nightmare fuel. They are the most uneducated of the uneducated. They are terrifying. Everything about them is wrong. They don't even deserved to be talked about, but what they did in Charlottesville was truly horrific, and it needs to be addressed. These morons are a cancer to society. The fact that they think they are superior to any other person, religion or family is pure insanity. They are not. Just because their skin is white does not make them any better than anyone else. In fact, the white skin makes them worse. They make me upset to be a white person. They act like their lives are so hard, but in reality, white people have it easier than anyone else. So for these terrorists to do what they did, and do, it makes them the worst people in the world. Their only friends are other hate filled cowards that need torches when they have a meeting. The fact that some people have said it was supposed to be peaceful and they showed up with torches, they must have the smallest penises in the world. That is not peaceful. That is the definition of an aggressive meeting. Torches. They brought god damn torches.

Now get ready for some hard truths. When the women's march, the tax march, basically any march that has happened since the tragedy of the 2016 election, none of them were harmful. In fact, they were a peaceful gathering of people that have felt wronged, and rightfully so. What these terrorists did in Charlottesville was not peaceful. They meant to hurt, and kill people that opposed them. They were making Nazi gestures for god's sake. How is that peaceful? They were walking the streets yelling, "Heil Trump". How is that peaceful? They had hate in their eyes. They had the look of people looking for a fight, although I am sure that they would have backed down if they didn't have a weapon because they are cowards. Nothing about this was peaceful. This was meant to hurt people all over the country.

Their hate got so bad that Heather Heyer, who is a true hero, lost her life. She stood up against these monsters, she fought for what she felt was right, in a peaceful way, and one of these terrorists drove their car into a crowd and killed her. How is that peaceful? Why did it come to this? Why is it always violence with the far right? Why can't they use their words? This is a tragedy, and it is one of many that this current "government" has done nothing to stop. The current residents of the White House are all complicit. They all had a part in this. The fact that it took that fat golfing jackass more than 2 days to condemn what happened is horrendous. He is so quick to call out Hillary Clinton's emails, or rail on "SNL", but when a group of his voters, inbred cowards, do something truly tragic and scary, he waits two full days to respond. Why? Is it because that giant blob of human feces? Steve Bannon wants him to keep his mouth shut since he is running the country? Yes. Trump is so stupid he hired a neo Nazi to run this country, and look what has happened. It is scary. Not only Bannon, but people like Mike Pence and Paul Ryan and Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, they are all equally horrible and equally accountable for what has happened, and what will continue to happen while they are sullying the White House.

This is a horribly dark time in America. Everyday I wake up afraid of what may happen next. I mean, before Charlottesville, that golfing douchebag claimed, on Twitter, that he was going to nuke North Korea, and threatened Venezuela with military action. What the hell?! What is happening?! Why is it happening? I just want to feel safe and be proud to be an American. Voldemort and his goons have taken all of that away from me in less than a year. As I said, I wake up afraid all the time. I've never been more embarrassed to call myself an American and a white person. What is happening right now is going to go down as a very, very dark time in the history of America. When my son is in high school and college, and his teachers and my wife and I talk about 2016-17, it will not be good. I imagine it will be a lot like me asking my folks about Vietnam, or my folks asking their folks about World War 1 or 2. This is a very bad time to be in America.

On this day I say to everyone I know that voted for Voldemort, are you happy now? Is this what you wanted? Is this "administration" doing any good? Do you still believe in the current residents of the White House? Do you still stand behind them? Do you still have faith in these lunatics? If you answered yes to any of those questions, I'm done with you. You disgust me. You voted for this. You knew what you were getting yourself into because you wanted an "outsider", a "business man", a guy that "speaks his mind and answers to no one", a "non politician". I hope you are all happy with your choice. I'm disgusted and paranoid. I have nothing but disdain and dislike for anyone that voted for him. I have an incredible dislike for anyone that still stands by him. What has happened, in less than 7 months mind you, has been appalling and horrifying. This country is crumbling because of these monsters, and America is becoming a joke. How much more do these psychopaths need to do before they finally get fired and led to a jail cell? Unfortunately, I cannot answer that.

We are a country divided, and the Charlottesville incident is the lowest of the low. Heather Heyer was a hero and we all need to remember her and what she did. But let us not forget the people that are still fighting. There are still some good, decent people out there. The Keith Ellison's, Maxine Water's and Rachel Maddow's and Keith Olbemann's of the world are out there fighting the fight. But, I want everyone who reads this, if you agree with me or not, say the name Heather Heyer. Say it a lot, and think about what happened, and why she is gone now. These are dark and embarrassing days. RIP Heather Heyer  

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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"Sharknado 5: Global Swarming" Makes Us Ask Why.

Please stop making "Sharnado's". I can't stop watching.

So, my wife and I watched "Sharknado 5: Global Swarming" yesterday, and all I have to say about this pile of garbage is why? That is the universal why? Why are they still making these? Why are Ian Ziering and Tara Reid getting work when they are horrendous actors? Why are the "celebrities" that cameo doing this? Why does the Syfy Network continue to allow this? Why do they keep airing these? But most importantly, why do I feel the need to watch all of these? I'm going to try and answer all of these why questions today.

First off, why is there a 5th "Sharknado" movie? I'd venture to guess that they made the first one as a goof, but it got a ton of social media buzz, and everyone was talking about it. They struck while the iron was hot. I do not blame them for this, but each new "Sharknado" seems to get worse. The acting gets more and more terrible and the writing, directing and everything else, it is so terrible. They have bought into the fact that it is a farce a bit too much. They tend to take these ridiculous roles a bit too serious.

Which leads me to Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. My god are they atrocious actors. The "Sharknado" universe is the only place I know of Ian Ziering. Maybe RD, the generation Xer of the group could tell me why he is famous (Ed Note: I actively rooted against Steve Sanders on 90210). But, his acting in these movies is straight trash. He takes it way, way too serious, and I feel like he thinks these movies have been a rebirth of his stardom of sorts for him. I think he genuinely thinks that he is a star. He is not. He is a horrendous actor. And Tara Reid. My goodness, what happened to Tara Reid? I loved her in "American Pie", and thought her small role in "Big Lebowski" was great. She did a very good job with these roles. Then, she went off the rails. She thought she was more famous than she truly is. She did the whole plastic surgery thing and took it way too far. My wife kept saying, "look at how bad her surgery looks", and I have to say, I agree. But her acting is so awful. She shows no emotion. Her yelling was some of the most uninspiring yelling in a movie I have ever heard. It sounded like my daughter when she fake cries. As far as facial expressions, Reid's never changed, no matter what the scenario. She has fallen so far off, it is kind of sad. This is all she has, but I think that she thinks this will lead to other, bigger stuff. It won't, she is a bad actor.

The cameos only seem to get worse with these movies. In this one, I kept asking my wife, who is that? She then had to look it up, and for the most part, neither of us knew who the people were. When we did recognize someone, it was just sad. Bret Michaels looked horrific. He needs to fully embrace his baldness because the bandanna and fake blonde hair are rough. Olivia Newton John does not need to lower herself to this level. She was once a respected actor and singer, so why show up in this nonsense. Same for Dan Fogler. He was only in a 15 second scene, but come on man, you are a respected comic actor. I love the ping pong movie he's in. He doesn't need this shit. Greg Louganis played an art thief. I mean, what the hell. You are a respected Olympian, and if you want to get into acting, I can almost guarantee that he could get in something better than "Sharknado". Clay Aiken, try as he might, was so poorly miscast all I could do was shake my head at the bad acting. Chris Kattan has fallen so far off, that getting his name in the opening credits was the biggest thing for him since "SNL" I bet. When I saw him I said to my wife, "he and Will Ferrell were co leading men in "Night at the Roxbury", now look at their careers". She responded with, "poor Chris Kattan". It was a mess of terrible cameos. They also bring on reality TV "stars", and there is a reason that they only appear on reality TV. These people cannot act.

Syfy keeps airing it for all the reasons I already mentioned. It gets a ton of social media talk, I'm reviewing it today, and people talk about it for weeks afterwards. I do not blame them for doing this. I wish they'd stop, but I understand why they do it. Same thing for the constant repeats. We did not see it on "opening night", but we recorded and watched it later. That is why they constantly show these movies.

Finally, and this is the most important question for me, why do I continue to watch, even though I have a vitriol hatred for them. I think it is part OCD, part fear of missing out(FOMO). I have OCD big time, so with most things I feel like I have to watch them all to feel complete. I hate that my mind works like this, but if they continue to make them I will probably watch them, just to see how far they take this thing. I wish I could stop, but unfortunately, I can't. Then when it comes to FOMO, it is not enough for me to read about the movie, I want to see it so I can talk about it with supreme confidence. I want to see all the nonsense so I can judge it and make fun of it. Isn't that one of the main reasons there are so many "Sharknado" movies? They want people to make fun of it? I assume so. I wish I could stop, but I can't. I will probably watch the next one of they make another one.  

If you watch it or not, all of these "Sharknado" movies are dreadful, and the fifth installment might be the worst of the bunch. It is awful, and unless you want to torture yourself like me, do not waste your time. These movies stink.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is looking forward to the day he watches "Sharknado 63: A Sharknado for All Seasons", and then dies once it ends. Then he will be free from the curse.

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Ty Listens to New Music from Jay Z, Vince Staples, and Tyler the Creator

I have recently purchased or been given 3 pretty awesome hip hop records over the past 2 weeks, and I want to write a little something about all of them. I'm doing it this way because they're fresh on my mind, and starting next week, and the week after that, I'm going to be very football heavy. So, let's get to it.

The first one I bought, and that is the newest Jay Z record, "4:44". I waited until it was off Tidal, I don't have the service, and I got it on iTunes. I have to say, it is a good, straight down the middle Jay Z record. Kendrick Lamar has usurped him as the heir apparent to Biggie as the best solo rapper in my opinion, but Jay Z can still bring it, and "4:44" proves that. He still has that wonderful, effortless flow, and his lyrics are just as profound. From talking about his problems, that he caused, with Beyoncé, to the coming out of his mother to talking about his kids, it all works. Jay Z is one of the best rappers alive for a reason. No album will be as good as "The Black Album" was for me. But, I really enjoy "4:44". I like it more than his last record, which I loved, and if he continues to put our great rap music like this, I will always be happy.

The next album was a gift via an iTunes gift card. That record is Vince Staples "Big Fish Theory". This record bumps. I listened to it fully for the first time this past Tuesday and I was blown away. I am a fan of Staples, but it was more so for his guest spots. His song with the Gorillaz on "Humanz" is one of the highlights. But, I have his other stuff, and while it is good, it's no where near as good as "Big Fish Theory". The way he blends electronic beats with introspective lyrics is amazing. He is one of the better modern rappers too. He has great flow and a sense of confidence when he rhymes. He knocks his verses on this record absolutely out of the park. The track with him and Kendrick Lamar is one of the better singles I've heard all year. I don't know why Staples isn't more widely known, but if he keeps doing new and innovative things like he does on "Big Fish Theory", he's going to be as big, if not bigger, than Chance the Rapper. He's that good.

Finally we have Tyler the Creator's new record, which was given to me by a friend, "Scum Fuck Flower Boy".(sorry for the language mom and dad, but that is the title) I'm a big fan of Odd Future, and Tyler the Creator is the reason why. Even though he can get very dark and dirty, I love the way he raps. He's got a newer voice, but with an old school delivery. His other solo stuff has been good, but like I said, it gets very dark. On "SFFB", it's dark, but not as dark. It's more accessible for rap fans. His lyrics and rhyming are the best I've ever heard from him. I just got this record yesterday and I've already listened to it twice, with a third about to come when I mow my lawn in a minute. This record is amazing. Of the three, this one is my favorite, and I also think it is genuinely the best. The songs are great. The beats are dope. His rapping is on point. It's all around wonderful. I love love love this album.

It is a great time to be a hip hop fan. I highly recommend getting all three of these, but if you can only get one, get Tyler the Creator's "SFFB". Don't listen to it around kids, in fact, don't listen to any of these around kids, but find time on your own to listen. "SFFB" is a masterpiece, and so is "Big Fish Theory". And don't forget about "4:44", it's classic Jay Z, which means it too is awesome.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He does not like the fact that some artist use a swear word in the titles of their albums. He wants the entire album title to be filled with swears. Damn hell ass swears.

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Ty Watches "Bar Rescue": Liquid Lounge Edition

Taffer and crew got back to one of their regular episodes this week, and I have to say, it was a good one. They traveled outside of Nevada finally, and they ended up at the "Liquid Lounge" in Long Beach. The bar's backstory was typical. They were making a ton of money, they had new customers every night, everyone loved the food and drinks, the same story told during every cold open.

Then, also as usual, one of the bartenders wanted to be the owner, so he bought the bar from the outgoing, soon to be retired owners. He spent his life savings on the bar, which they said was 400,000 dollars. But, earlier in the episode, the man claimed he inherited 400,000 dollars from his folks, so I do not understand why that was all that he had in his life savings. Anyway, as soon as Rob took over, "Liquid Lounge" went down the drain. By all accounts, Rob was a good guy to a fault. He was a total pushover. He let everyone walk all over him. Even his favorite employee, who genuinely seemed to try hard and like him, walked all over him. Don't get it twisted though, Lola was a great, great worker. She even brought her husband on to help out with basically everything that they needed help with, and he was always available. I don't know if he got paid, I assume he did, but he worked his tail off. In fact, the staff at "Liquid Lounge" was legitimately good at their jobs. But, when you have an owner that will let you skip out early, not always have you clean, not hold employees accountable, things tend to go awry, and that is exactly what happened.

Now, there were no mice or rats, but this may have been the dirtiest bar on all of "Bar Rescue". This place was an absolute nightmare. Everything seemed to be falling apart, and a lot of that had to do with the massive mold problem they had. The fans were even falling out of the ceiling because the mold was so plentiful. The wall paper was tearing everywhere. The stools were a mess. The bar tops and the bar were nasty. The kitchen was a total nightmare. The bowls they used to "ring" their margaritas, I gagged when they showed what was inside of them. It was disgusting.

After Taffer and his crew, food expert Tiffany Derry and drink expert Rob Ford, stormed in and laid waste to poor Rob. He didn't even know what hit him. He was like a deer in the headlights. And, because he is such a calm and chill guy, he did not fight back and he never raised his voice. After Taffer was done screaming at him, and he was most definitely screaming, Rob literally took all the blame. It was his fault the bar was dirty, not making money, his employees had no respect for him, he was too nice, everything he owned up to. It was a nice change of pace from other owners or employees that always want to fight with Taffer. Before leaving the crew to clean for the night, Taffer, Derry and Ford all got in a few more nuggets of how bad this place was run. Taffer and Derry were throwing food left and right and Ford was just as disgusted as I was from what he saw behind the bar. The whole crew, including Rob, stayed and cleaned all night to get ready for training.

Taffer arrived early ish the next day, but before they could get to training, he took a pool cue and banged it against the wall. I thought this was odd. They had cleaned all night, and the bar looked much, much better. But, when he banged that cue on the wall, there was an explosion of ants. They were everywhere. So, Taffer lost his mind again, and brought in a pesticide crew. They were able to fumigate without having to close the bar for more than a day.

The stress test had to be postponed, but they rescheduled it for the next night. The staff got some mild training. Ford showed them some easy drinks and Derry showed the chef a simple fried shrimp plate recipe. The doors were open, and stress test began. Everything seemed to okay, at least for a stress test, at first. Lola was pumping out drinks, only having to redo a few, and the kitchen was getting the food out. But, there was trouble around the corner. Rob never took down names for the food, so it was dying in the window. Lola was pumping out drinks, but we came to find out that only one person had paid for their drink. No one was charging anyone, and this was all on Rob. Rob had again shit the bed. He again took full responsibility, and he finally confessed that he needed to be more of a boss and less of a friend.

After hearing this revelation, Taffer got his people to fix up the bar for re launch. The "Liquid Lounge" crew gathered outside, and it was revealed to them that the name was changed to "Tidal Bay: A Beach Bar". That is not one of Taffer's best, but given the location, it wasn't horrible. The inside looked brighter and they had 3 new POS systems, new soda guns, new speed wells, everything was updated. And when they reopened, things went great. I expected that because, as I said earlier, the staff was already good, they just needed proper training. Even Rob began to be a bit more managerial. He was great during reopen, and so was Lola She was exceptional in fact.

For the 6 week check up, the bar sales had increased by 20 percent in both food and drinks, and Lola got a raise andpromotion to manager. This was a very good, old school "Bar Rescue". I want more episodes like these.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He regularly walks into places of business and slams a pool cue against the wall. He is not looking for ants, he just hates business walls and pool cues are his weapon of choice.

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Ty Watches "Wet Hot American Summer: 10 Years Later"

As I promised on a recent podcast, I did finish all of "Wet Hot American Summer: Ten Years Later" this past weekend. I may not have mentioned it as a show that I was looking forward to, but believe me, I was highly anticipating this release. I was able to watch the first episode last Friday when it was released, then I watched 2 on Saturday, and finished the final 5 on Sunday.

It was great. I loved it. I was predestined to love it. I'm a fan of the movie, and I adored the prequel, "WHAS: First Day of Camp". I love how oddball and goofy the show and movie were/are. It is like classic oddball comedy. Michael Showalter, Michael Ian Black and David Wain are perfect at making this type of comedy. They all wrote, with help for some other writers, and I think that I am correct in assuming that David Wain directed all the episodes.

If I had one gripe about "WHAS: Ten Years Later", it would be that it was too short. But, the same can be said for "First Day of Camp". I think they only do 8 30 minute episodes on purpose. It makes the fans want more and more. I have already gone back and started "First Day of Camp" again. I'm also going to be watching the movie again, and after that, I will revisit "Ten Years Later". I just love how off the wall everything is. I think it is great that in "Ten Years Later" all the main actors keep saying that they are "in their mid 20's". It is so obvious that they're much older, but that adds to the allure of the comedy of the show.

The main cast is all there, with one exception. Paul Rudd, Zak Orth, Janeane Garrofolo, Michael Showalter, Michael Ian Black, Jon Benjamin, Nina Hellman, Marguerite Moreau, Ken Marino, Joe Lo Truglio, Marissa Ryan, AD Miles, Elizabeth Banks, Christopher Meloni, Amy Poehler, they are all there. Bradley Cooper couldn't be in this due to a scheduling conflict. To combat this, they got Adam Scott to play the role of Ben, and they kept talking about how no one would notice him due to his "nose job". It was played for a great amount of laughs. In "Ten Years Later", they also had some of the people from "First Day of Camp" back. Camp Tiger Claw's residents, played by Rich Sommer, Eric Nenninger, Josh Charles and Kristen Wiig were all there, and all high falutant, what with their popped collars, scarves and fancy clothes.

There were some "new" characters introduced as well. Sarah Burns and Mark Feuerstein played campers Claire and Mark. What I loved about their additions was, any time they flashed back to the movie, they had scenes placed in that showed that these 2 were at the camp. It was so funny how bad, on purpose, it looked. Samm Levine showed up as the camp's radio host all grown up, Arty. He sounds just like the original actor, but this time, he had a real radio show. Alyssa Milano was great as Renatta, Ben and McKinley's nanny. She was psychotic and very funny, and there was a big twist with her, but I do not want to spoil much. Lake Bell returned, and her character Donna and Yaron(David Wain), are now married and looking for a surrogate. That is another great bit I do not want to spoil. Maya Erskine has a great role as Coop's fiancé. Jai Courtney was awesome as Susie's love interest/movie star co worker. John Early, who I become more and more a fan of every time I see him in something, is hysterical in his return as Logan. Side note, his shirt may be one of the best things in this whole series. Jason Schwartzman and Chris Pine return, and they are now government made killing machines. That is the only spoiler I will give with their characters. They are also hilarious, especially Pine. Skyler Gisondo, as basically the new Andy, is funny as hell. His showdown in the "King of Camp" competition with Andy is excellent.

All those names I mentioned should be enough alone for people to tune in. There are some big names in Hollywood, and some big names for comedy fans. The premise this season is about growing up and still being unsure of what to do with your life. I loved how well their professional careers were going yet they still needed to get back to their summer camp reunion that they planned 10 years earlier. All of the revels when they showed up to camp were great, but Poehler's was the best. Elizabeth Banks had a great scene too, when she finally showed up 12 hours late. Andy's journey was hilarious. The back and forth between Susie and Logan was tremendous. Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter playing dual roles as McKinley/George HW Bush and Coop/Ronald Reagan, was riotous. Jon Benjamin as Mitch, the can of vegetables was awesome. Coop and Katie's relationship throughout was wonderful, and very reminiscent of the movie. Even David Hyde Pierce's 2 minute scene was worth the wait.

Look, I am going to love anything that has to do with "WHAS". It was a classic movie, and "First Day of Camp", and now "Ten Years Later" have only added to the lore. I hope, and I think, they will do more stuff like this. They left it very open ended, and if everyone involved is willing to continue to do these, I do not see why this wouldn't be a viable show for, at least 2 or even 3 more series like these. "Ten Years Later" was awesome, and I highly recommend everyone checking it out.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is hoping the success of "Wet Hot American Summer: 10 Years Later" will lead to "Saved By the Bell: The College Years: 10 Years Later". That will be awesome.

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We Came, We Saw, We Ate: Shake Shack vs In-N-Out

East Coast, West Coast? Where will I be the tastiest?

SeedSing loves a good old american burger. Ty was recently in the south to try the legendary Whataburger. Today Tina is going to look at the most famous East Coast and West Coast burger. Do you have a thought? Come on over the SeedSing and tell us all about.

Over the last couple months, I had the opportunity to sample the east and west coasts’ favorite burgers:  Shake Shack and In-N-Out Burger.  Since I live in a city where neither is available, my only allegiance is to my own tastebuds.

First things first:  Shake Shack is a New York City native, and In n Out hails from Southern California.  I was in neither NYC nor LA this summer.  Rather, I sampled Shake Shack at two locations in DC (the first was a restaurant across from the National Portrait Gallery, the second was at Nationals Park).  For In-N-Out, I visited two locations relatively near Las Vegas (the first in St. George, Utah, and the 2nd in Summerlin, NV).  Visiting twice is important to even out any flukes, and to gauge consistency.  I’ll review the burger joints on 5 criteria:  Burgers, fries, shakes, prices, and “other”.

Burgers

I’m given to understand that the way to eat an In-N-Out Burger is “Double Double Animal Style.”  I did this twice.   (Typically, I don’t get cheese on a “good” burger, but I wanted to do it the right way, so I made an exception at In n Out.)  My initial impression was that the meat itself was above average.  I really liked the way the cheese melted into a gooey sort of sauce, melding with the “spread” and grilled onions.  My one major hang-up was In-N-Out’s bun.  It was bland and dry.  I originally thought maybe just mine was stale, but my husband thought his was dry too.  And the same thing happened at the Summerlin location, so… points for consistency, I guess?  But dry hamburger buns are not my cup of tea.  The Animal Style burger, with all its added moisture (spread, cheese, onions, mustard, etc) just couldn’t overcome it. 

At Shake Shack, on the other hand, the burgers are SUBLIME.  It was the same consistent burger at both locations (impressive, considering that one is in a stadium).  The meat is perfect, just the right amount of beefy and fatty.  It’s smashed on the grill to get the little crispy bits on the edges.  The potato bun is slightly sweet, dense and soft, perfect for containing the glorious burger juice.   As I noted before, I didn’t get cheese, just a regular “Shackburger” which has shack sauce, lettuce, and tomato.  Heaven. 

WINNER:  Strong Shake Shack

Fries

At In-N-Out, we got one order of fries “animal style,” one regular.  The fries we got in St. George were near perfect.  Fresh from the fryer, hot and crisp.  Good ratio of crispy outside to fluffy inside.  The animal style fries were “meh” to me.  Although I liked the spread on the burger, I didn’t care for it on the fries.  I realize that’s just personal taste, and my husband did really like the animal style fries.  The bigger issue, to me, is that at both places, my lovely hot fresh non-animal fries came with a little salt packet on top.  At first I thought that was strange, until I tasted them, and realized that they are woefully underseasoned.  And they know it, which is why they gave me salt!  Hell, no, people.  Season your food, and give it to me the way YOU think it tastes best.  If I don’t like it, I’ll ask for no salt next time.

Shake Shack’s fries are crinkle cut.  This is polarizing.  My husband is anti-crinkle, which I suspect is because he associates crinkle with Ore-Ida and school lunches.  I, on the other hand, am a woman of science.  I understand that the crinkles are increasing the overall surface area of the fries, and thereby, in an ideal world, making them crisper.  And the Shack’s fries were wonderfully crisp and well-seasoned.  They also are available with a weird off-kilter cheese sauce that I happen to love, but that my husband clearly did not.  So if my husband were writing this, he’d probably give the French fry win to In n Out.  But he’s not here, and so…(Ed Note: Tina's husband is one of my favorite people, so I am going to side with him.)

WINNER:  Somewhat Shake Shack

Shakes

I do not often get milkshakes.  I mostly cannot wrap my head around drinking ice cream, it seems too indulgent.  I think I get one milkshake a year.  In-N-Out had a shake machine.  Now, if I am going to drink 500+ calories, it’s going to be a genuine hand-dipped milkshake, not a pale machine imitation made with mix.  So I didn’t even try a shake at In-N-Out.

Shake Shack has hand-dipped milkshakes.  My son had vanilla near the portrait gallery, and chocolate at Nats Park.  I sampled both and was underwhelmed.  They were cold and sweet, with good consistency, but lacking in flavor.  I found myself wishing there was a Steak n Shake nearby.

WINNER:  Meh

Prices

In-N-Out is less expensive, there’s no question about it.  Two Double Double Animal Styles, two drinks, one animal fry, and one regular fry set us back around $17.  Not too shabby.

On the other hand, two of Shake Shack’s single burgers, two orders of fries, and two drinks totaled up around $25 near the portrait gallery.  (In fairness to Shake Shack, I will not include the Nats Park prices in this assessment.  I don’t know if Dodger Stadium has an In-N-Out, but if one exists, I’m guessing I can’t feed two people on 17 bucks there.) 

WINNER:  In-N-Out, but since I really shouldn’t be eating these meals all that often, the extra expense at Shake Shack might be a feature, not a bug.

Other

Décor:  In-N-Out looks more like a traditional fast food place, whereas Shake Shack has a more upscale classy look.  Both were clean and pleasant.  No clear winner or loser.

Service:  Quick, competent, and cheerful each time.  Can’t ask for anything more.  Another tie.

Soda selection:  Shake Shack has Diet Coke and Coke Zero.  In-N-Out just has Diet Coke.  Point to the Shack.

Overall selection:  I sort of admire In-N-Out for essentially saying “we have burgers and fries and that’s it.”  I’m fans of the concept of doing one thing and doing it well.  However, Shake Shack has a few more options which make it a little friendlier to a group.  They have chicken, a Portobello burger, flat top hot dogs, and ice cream as well as burgers and fries.  It’s still a small, focused menu, but I appreciate the added variety.  Another point to the Shack.

Exercise of first amendment rights:  Ok, so this may just be me, but given the choice, I prefer that my lunch packaging not proselytize.  Granted, In-N-Out’s preaching is subtle, just Bible chapter & verse hidden on drink cups and wrappers.  It’s pretty easy to ignore, but I still want my food to keep its religious beliefs to itself.  (Exceptions made for kosher hot dogs & the occasional Chik-Fil-A.)  Yet another point to Shake Shack.

Clubby insularity:  I shouldn’t have to do research on the internet to know what’s on your menu.  Enough with the “secret menu,” In-N-Out.  Just tell me what you have.  Hey, Shake Shack is really cleaning up on the “other” category.

VERDICT:  Strong Shake Shack

All in all, both provide a very good burger and fry experience (unlike Five Guys, whose fries are unapologetically BAD.)  But if you made it this far, you have probably guessed that I’m a Shake Shack gal all the way.  Considering that there are more Shake Shacks within a day’s drive of my house, I think the ultimate winner is ME.

Tina S

Tina S has now entered into post-vacation food detox. 

We made a twitter for Tina, go follow her @TinaSeedsing.

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Jay Cutler Signing with the Dolphins is Terrible on Every Level

Artist depiction of the 2017 Miami Dolphins season

I'm going to be doing a very big, 2 week long NFL and college football preview, but that is all starting next week. Today though, I will be talking about the NFL. I need to address the signing of Jay Cutler by the Dolphins at 1 year, 10 million dollars.

WHAT THE HELL ARE THE DOLPHINS THINKING?!

This signing is absolutely ludicrous. This may be the worst free agent signing I have ever seen in my time as a sports fan. I'm not joking or trying to put a hot take out there either. I have sat and thought about that very thing since I heard the news yesterday at around noon. I cannot think of a more atrocious signing.

Honestly.

I looked back at basketball and the best comparison I could come up with was what the Lakers gave Timofey Mozgov last year, and I still think Cutler is worse. Mozgov is not great, but he is a better basketball player than Cutler is a football player, and it is not even close. Mozgov, while barely playing, does at least have a ring, and was a minimal part in the Cavs getting there. Other NBA signings I thought of were Evan Tuner to Portland, Al Horford to Boston, Reggie Jackson getting a max contract in Detroit and Greg Monroe to the Bucks, but none of those sniff the terribleness that is the Cutler signing. Hell, I think both Derrick Rose and Joakim Noah to the Knicks were "better" decisions than this one.

I then thought about baseball, and the best I could come up with is David Price's current Red Sox contract. He is a choker in the playoffs, just like Cutler, but he is lights out in the regular season. Cutler is dreadful all season long. Jacoby Ellsbury to the Yankees a few years back was another, but he was a multiple World Series winner, and he is still a contributor there.

Then I started to scour other NFL signings. Darelle Revis going back to the Jets immediately popped into my head, but he had one decent season with them before he declined. He has also had a pretty good career in the NFL. Much better than Cutler's for sure. Tavon Austin got a decent contract recently from the Rams, but he is still considered a "threat" by some as a returner and slot receiver. Wes Welker to the Broncos was pretty bad, but he was still productive when he was able to play. Darren McFadden to the Cowboys struck me as bad, but he may become a whole hell of a lot more important to that team as a backup now, what with the news that Ezekial Elliot may have destroyed evidence in his current assault case. Even when the Patriots gave Chad Johnson a chance, it wasn't deemed as bad as this signing. People legitimately thought that the Patriots could turn him into a useful player. When they realized he didn't have it anymore, they cut him. The Dolphins will not do that to Cutler.

As I thought more and more about it, and I even had a chat with a buddy of mine that is a Dolphins fan prior to this signing, we both think that Matt Moore would have been perfectly serviceable as the main guy this year. First off, the Patriots are going to win that division. Write that down in pen. But, Moore could lead that team to a Wild Card spot pretty easily. He was pretty good in his 5 starts last year, winning 3 of them. He even helped the Dolphins hang around until he got exploded by a hit from a Steelers defender. Besides Jimmy Garroppolo, Matt Moore is the only other backup QB I could name. I had to look up the Packers backup, and that is my team. The Dolphins have a very fine backup, and they just shit all over him by signing that dipshit Jay Cutler.

Which brings me to my final thought on this signing. Why did they pick Cutler over Colin Kaepernick? In fact, why is Kaepernick still unsigned? Don't feed me that, "he would be a locker room problem and we don't want the media circus that comes with him" nonsense either. He is ten times the QB that Cutler is. He is a more mobile Ryan Tannehill in fact. He would have fit into the Dolphins system with ease. He is friends with the skill players on that team already. He is younger. He cares more. He has been to a Super Bowl. He wants to win. He wants to play. I do not care, in fact I fully agree with him that America is a screwed up place, especially when talking about the police. He spoke his mind, and now he is paying for it. That is insane. People need to look at his ability. Like I said, he is a more mobile Tannehill. He has great arm strength. Sure, his passer rating and interception to TD ratio was out of whack last year, but I don't think anyone, save for maybe Aaron Rodgers, Cam Newton or Tom Brady, could have played any better for the dreadful 49ers.

I didn't want to say it, but I now fully believe that Colin Kaeprnick is being blackballed by the NFL and Roger Goodell. By all accounts from last year, he was a great teammate and not a distraction. But, anytime I turn on ESPN and they talk about Kaepernick, or I listen to one of the any NFL podcasts I listen to, they all say that he would be a problem for the front office and any team that may sign him. Some say it is due to deteriorated play, others say it is due to his outspoken nature. To all those people I say, bull shit. Colin Kaepernick belongs on an NFL roster more than a lot of current QB's, and much, much more than Jay Cutler belongs anywhere.

This is going to be a disaster for the Dolphins, and they are going to waste a season where they could have made the playoffs with Matt Moore. Jay Cutler is TERRIBLE, and they whiffed big time on not signing Colin Kaepernick. What a bunch of bozos.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is very impressed with the NFL's stand against free thought. Maybe the league can start to tackle minor issues facing the league like domestic violence and brain injuries.

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Ty Watches "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" Season 3

Last night I finished the third season of "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" and I have to say, this has been the best season so far.

I really enjoy "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt", but this season had me laughing harder than the other two did at any moment. I feel like the show's writing this season was extremely sharp. There were so many jokes, and if you missed one, there was another right around the corner. The episode that featured Maya Rudolph as Dionne Warwick was one of the funniest, best written and just flat out best 31 minutes of TV I have ever witnessed. I literally slapped my knees multiple times from laughing so hard the whole time. Maya Rudolph's performance is worth watching the whole episode alone. But, everyone else involved, and the story, it was magical.

"Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" has a great group of creative people around it, mainly Robert Carlock and Tina Fey, and they were at their peaks this season. This season was the closest thing they have had to the best seasons of "30 Rock". I'd go as far to say that this season of "UKS" ranks right up there with what many consider the best seasons of "30 Rock".

The performances this season were top notch as well. Even small characters had great moments. When Kimmy's old roommate in the bunker, Gretchen, has her own episode that shows how her new cult is going, absolutely riotous. The whole storyline was great. Gretchen is great, and I think this was the only time she was even on the show this season. Amy Sedaris as Mimi, great. She was so annoying and rude, but also so funny and heartbreaking. I loved when she needed Jaqueline to take care of her. That was a great mini storyline. And Jaqueline's arc this season, tremendous. I'm a big Jane Krakowski fan, and working with Tina Fey has been the best thing she could have ever done for her career. She was tremendous this season. In dealing with her husband being smooshed by an electric car, fighting NFL owners to change the Washington football team name, to stop caring what other people think of her, and everything else, she was great. Carol Kane was wonderful. She is one of my favorite people on the show, and this year, she had a very big change in character and a new love interest. I love her old school attitude, how little she truly cares what people think and how much she loves her new boyfriend, the owner of the hilariously named grocery chain, Big Naturals. The episode where she and Jaqueline go shopping together and have a makeover, just tremendous. Her "key" bit, which was just a hammer, was used multiple times this season, and it was funny every time. Her filibuster episode was excellent as well. Tina Fey's one appearance as Kimmy's disgraced former therapist, awesome. She works at a mall piercing kiosk now. The addition of Daveed digs this year, I loved it. He is so funny and charming and I hope they bring him back next year, I'm almost certain they will. He looks like he is going to be an incredible actor. He was great on this, and even better in "Tour de Pharmacy". He's going to be a star.

Ellie Kemper as Kimmy had a very good season. She struggled with always trying to look on the bright side of things. She went to college. She struggled with jobs, but always did them with a smile. She had her issues with the guy that kept her in the bunker, wonderfully played by Jon Hamm. The episode where she tries to save Laura Dern from marrying him, exceptional. Kimmy's old "friend" Zan, in her much smaller role, was just as moody and hilarious as she could have been. Her show she started in college, "Profiles", that was an excellent button to another excellent show.

Finally, we have who I, and many consider, the star of this show, Titus Burgess as Titus Andromendon. If he doesn't get some kind of Emmy love this year it would be a damn shame. He was so, so, so great this season. His spoof of Beyoncé's "Lemonade" was one of the best things I have seen on TV in a long, long time. His journey, from breaking up with Mikey, to his tales of working on the cruise ship, to his run in with Dionne Warwick, to his new relationship with a guy in the church choir that has a baby named Linda, to him using a gas station bathroom, and everything I may have left out, it was all perfect. Titus Burgess is absolutely the best thing on this show. His selfishness, that turns into selflessness at times is so great. He is so funny. He can be heartbreaking, yet make that hilarious. His singing is wonderful. His one liners are great. Everything about Titus is tremendous. If you need only one reason to watch "UKS", watch it for Titus Burgess. He is incredible.

"Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" is a tremendous show, and this season was the best to date. I highly recommend watching all of it, but if you want to start on season 3, be ready for some great writing and jokes after jokes after jokes. This season was an absolute homerun.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He was once stuck on a boat with Dionne Warwick. They were fleeing a future where children ruled the earth. He then realized he was asleep on a canoe with easy listening hits of the 1980's playing through his Pandora station.

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Sorry Jordan, LeBron is Way Better than Kobe

This past week Michael Jordan has been talking a whole lot to the media. Over the last week, Jordan has talked to the media more than he did for the majority of his professional career. I've got to say, I love that he is finally being outspoken, especially when it comes to all things basketball. He is the GOAT, so his knowledge and criticism and "hot takes" on the game, I believe and agree with mostly.

For instance, that dumbass Lavar Ball being the typical blowhard that he is, claimed he could beat MJ in one on one. He has said this about other former players, most notable Charles Barkley, and of course he is extremely out of his lane. If he thinks he could score one single point against Jordan, he is clearly crazy. I love that Jordan came back and said that he could beat him one legged. I would go so far as to say that Jordan could beat him even if he had no use in his legs, had his right arm tied behind his back and he gave Ball a 10-0 advantage in a game to 11. Jordan would not only beat him, he would physically and emotionally hurt him. It would be a massacre. And for Ball to say that he and his son Lonzo could beat Jordan and one of his sons in 2 on 2, again I say, shut your god damn mouth. Jordan would again own the elder Ball, and because they are Michael Jordan's kids, they have that killer instinct, and while they may not be as talented as Lonzo, they would get in his and his father's head, and they would win easily. As Omar said, "you come at the king, you best not miss". Michael Jordan would own him, and I'm glad he let that be known to the world.

Jordan did say something else this week that I have to say, I disagree with him. This is a very rare thing for me, because, as I stated earlier, I agree with pretty much everything MJ does and says. He was asked in some interview earlier this week if he thought Kobe Bryant was a better player than LeBron James. He thought about it and said that he thinks Kobe is the better player because, "there is something about 5 rings compared to 3".

Now, right off the bat, I disagreed with him. If we are going strictly off championships, and I have been on record many, many times saying that I think Jordan is the greatest basketball player ever, and one of the greatest athletes ever, then that makes Bill Russell the best basketball player ever. He has 11 titles. No one is even close to that, including Jordan. Also, again going on rings, that would mean that Robert Horry is just as good as Jordan and Scottie Pippen. Now, I love Bill Russell, and he is maybe the 3rd or 4th greatest player ever, but he is nowhere near the player that Jordan was, and I think, if they played in the same era, Jordan would have smoked him. And with Robert Horry, come on. He is a great clutch shooter, the best in my opinion, but he is not even on Kobe or even guys like Russ, KD and Kawhi's level. But, he has those rings.

Looking at other sports too, does Jordan's comments mean that he thinks Eli Manning and Peyton Manning are better QB's because they have 2 Super Bowl rings as opposed to Aaron Rodgers one? Or, is Trent Dilfer a better QB than Dan Marino because he has a ring and Marino doesn't? Does this mean that Paul O'Neill is a better baseball player than Chipper Jones? Does this make David Freese better than Adrian Beltre? You cannot compare championships to how good a player is. I'd much rather have MJ than any other basketball player. I'll take Aaron Rodgers any day over any QB, including Tom Brady. Give me Chipper Jones and Adrian Beltre if I'm going to start a baseball team with those players in their primes.

Going back to the main reason for this blog, lets compare Bryant to James. For me, LeBron is the far superior player in every facet of the game. LeBron, while being uncoachable at times, and a hard guy to play with, when you gain his trust, he believes in you no matter what. This is a dude that will put his full faith in someone with championships on the line. He doesn't always have to be the reason the team is a winner. The same cannot be said about Bryant. It always had to be about him. The Lakers were only good when he was good if you ask him. Never mind how badly he crippled that team 3 years ago, he still felt that he was great, even though his game clearly deteriorated. As a distributor and "point guard" of the team and focal point of the offense, again, James by a landslide. He is so good at finding the open player, attacking the rim and running the offense. The only thing Kobe has on LeBron here is a jump shot, but I'd rather have a 6'9 280 lb force attacking the rim than a 6'6 200 lb pound jump shooter any day. The only players that I think "see" the game the way LeBron does is Jordan and Magic. As far as defense, LeBron is way, way, way better on that end of the floor. He is one of the better chase down shot blockers ever, and he usually guards the opponents best player, or at least their best offensive player. Kobe Bryant was a fake All Defense performer. They just put him on the team to pet his ego. He is, in my opinion, one of the most overrated defenders to ever play in the NBA. LeBron, when locked in, is one of the better defensive players in the NBA. Finally, when it comes to durability, LeBron wins this one again by a landslide. He NEVER gets hurt. It is amazing how healthy he has ben his whole career. He has never, ever had a horrible injury. Some say it may be PED's, I just think he keeps himself in tremendous shape. We all saw how Kobe Bryant's career ended. Two torn ACL's, and many ankle sprains and bruised ego's throughout his whole career.

When you really break it all down, LeBron James is far and away the better player between the 2. I think Jordan is the greatest ever, obviously. LeBron is somewhere in my top 5, possibly top 3. Bryant, he is outside my personal top 10. He is very far behind MJ, LeBron, and even guys like Tim Duncan and Kevin Garnett, Shaquille O'Neal and Hakeem Olajuwon. I also think guys like KD, Steph, Kawhi, Russ and even someone like Giannis Antentekoumpo are going to surpass him in the very near future. So while MJ is right on almost everything, he is wrong about the Kobe vs LeBron debate. LeBron is much, much better.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing, the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast, and the greatest basketball writer on the internet. 

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We Need to Continue and Celebrate Adrian Beltre's 3000th Hit

This one, plus 2999 more, makes for a lot of balls hit off Beltre's bats

This past week, Adrian Beltre got his 3,000 hit as a Major League Baseball player. There was some fanfare, he had a little coverage on ESPN and I think the MLB Network aired his 3,000th hit live. He got some TV time that night, and maybe a day or 2 afterward, but since then, not much else has been said about him. That is not right.

Let us not forget that 3,000 hits is an incredible milestone. Only 31 players, in the history of the MLB, have done this. Most of the names on the list are big time, Hall of Fame players. And the more recent players that have reached 3,000 hits, the coverage usually lasts for about a week. I remember when it was a big deal that Rafeal Palmiero got 3,000 hits. ESPN and the like were all over it. Then it was found out that he was/is a cheater, and everyone forgot. When Ichiro Suzuki got 3,000, after getting about 2,500 in Japan, ESPN covered it for what seemed like a month, which was well deserved. When most players do finally get to 3,000, they are covered so much more than Beltre was.

I have always been a fan of Adrian Beltre's. I'm not a big baseball fan, but something about Beltre has always made me like him. He is like a more lively Vlad Guerreo, and Vlad is one of my all time favorite players. Beltre had the same type of approach at the plate, and while he is not the hitter that Vlad was, he still can hold his own. I even remember when he first got into the majors, at 19 years old, and being shocked at how great he was, at such a young age, the moment he stepped on a baseball field. He was awesome while he was in LA. He won a Silver Slugger award and was the NL's homerun champ in 2004, his last year in LA. He left after 7 seasons, and signed a very big deal with Seattle. He was one of the many signings that was going to turn around Seattle. While Seattle was never great, Beltre was. He became an excellent defensive third baseman, winning 2 Gold Gloves while playing there. He was part of the All World Baseball Classic team in 2006. He was constantly in the top 10 or 20 in batting average, homeruns and RBI's each and every year. He then had a little sojourn in Boston before moving on to his current team, the Texas Rangers. He has been nothing short of exceptional since signing on with the Rangers. He's added 3 more Gold Glove awards. He's made the All Star team 4 times. He was the AL hits leader in 2013. And he's won 3 more Silver Slugger awards.

Beltre has been an all around excellent baseball player, yet no one brings his name up when talking about current greats. That is ridiculous to me. I remember in 2011, when the Cardinals faced the Rangers in the World Series, the one guy that made me nervous whenever he stepped to the plate was Beltre. He could always come away with a big hit, or even a soul crushing homerun. He has always been a threat at the plate, but to turn himself into an awesome third baseman, that is amazing. The fact that he had the hitting down, then focused on fielding, so much so that he became a multiple Gold Glove winner, shows me that he is the consummate professional. He would work on something until he had it down to perfection, and then he would work on some other holes in his game. That is the type of player I would take on my team any day. He was always trying to find a way to make himself better. He is also a hot tempered, passionate player. I love that. I love that he hates to have his head touched, and when players do touch his head, he loses his god damn mind. His mind and head are so into his profession, that if anyone even touches him, he loses his shit. I want a team full of players who are that obsessed with their craft.

The point is that Adrian Beltre is an amazing baseball player, who I think may be one of the most underrated players to ever play in the MLB. Like I already said, when people talk about all time greats, or current greats, his name never comes up. But, he has a career batting average of .286, has surpassed 3,000 hits, has 460 homeruns, 1,600 plus RBI's and over 100 stolen bases. If that doesn't scream first ballot Hall of Famer, I do not know what does. He has also been to a World Series and had multiple playoff runs. Adrian Beltre is remarkable and I am stoked that he got his 3,000th hit. It was well deserved for such a great baseball player, and I could not be happier for him. Hopefully he sticks around longer and gets near 3,500 hits, because, when I do watch baseball, he is the type of player I want to see. Congrats Adrian Beltre. Keep up the great work.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He recorded his 30,000 wiffle ball hit last weekend joining an elite list of 100,000 Midwest dads who have reached such a milestone.

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Ty Watches "Last Chance U" Season 2

I just recently finished the second season of "Last Chance U" last Friday. Before I go any further, if you watch the show and haven't finished it, or even started the second season yet, stop right here. This is going to be filled with spoilers. This is your warning.

Last chance.

So, as I said, I just got done watching all 14 episodes. I love this show. I wrote about the first season awhile back. I liked the second season more. I now know a lot more about the players on the East Mississippi Community College Lions. I was super excited to see how things turned out for season one's unlikely star, Isiah Wright. There was a lot to look forward too, and a lot to love about the new episodes of "Last Chance U".

In the first episode of season one, Wright inserts himself as a kick returner in the first game and houses the opening kickoff. From there on out I was excited to see how his career turned out. Well, he went through a whole lot this past season. He started off this season on fire. He was the man. He made one of the greatest leaps to score a touchdown that I have ever seen. It was all over TV and social media. Go look it up.

In the third game of the year, things took a turn for Wright. He got a concussion, and from there on out, he suffered multiple injuries and became less and less focused on football. He also was engaged, and his future wife lost a baby that she was pregnant with. This made him even more distant from football. It got so bad that he cussed out his coach, and Buddy Stephens, more on him later, kicked him off the field for the rest of that game. Wright struggled mightily after getting hurt early. He also became more distant and lost the smile and love for the game that made him one of my favorite players on the team. He lost all his big time offers and he is now playing division 2 football in Georgia. He is so much more talented than D-2, but he doesn't seem to have that passion for the game anymore.

Wright was the only person that had a big role on season 1 that returned in season 2. There was a whole new crop of D-1 transfers this year though. I think the show, and the reputation of EMCC, helped the, get some big time players. Their defense seemed to be stacked. They got 2 D-Lineman, Chauncey Rivers from Georgia and Kam Carter from Penn State, that looked like they'd be unstoppable. Well, Rivers was. He was great. He not only dominated on the field, but he got his grades right too. Rivers was kicked off Georgia for failing 3 drug tests in 7 months. But, in his less than one year in Scooba, he seemed to get his head on straight, and he was a force on the field. He was wrecking back fields left and right. His play, and improved grades and attitude earned him a scholarship to Mississippi State. I read an article yesterday stating that he was going to be a starter their this upcoming season.

Kam Carter was given the gift of being strong, big, fast and talented, but his head was never into the game it seemed. He would constantly clash with coaches and teachers. He tried to fight the D-Line coach, and if that fight happened, he would've gotten his ass beat. He was a malcontent. He didn't care about school or practice. He constantly claimed that he should, "be at Bama". It got so bad that his teammates openly called him out for his laziness. Carter was the epitome of a kid that thinks everything should be handed to him because he is so talented. And don't get me wrong, he is incredibly gifted as a D-lineman. But, his attitude was so shitty, I found myself actively rooting against him. He eventually turned in some dominant performances and got an offer from Pitt, which he accepted, but we will see how he takes to big time college football coaching. I'd guess not that well.

The D also got Dakota Allen, a transfer from Texas Tech that was kicked off the team due to armed robbery. That is a serious offense, but this kid did not seem like a bad kid at all. He definitely made a mistake, but I felt like going to EMCC was his "doing time". He is a great student and a great linebacker. I feel like he got mixed up with the wrong people at the wrong time. He played great, made the grades, and shockingly, Tech was able to get him back and he will be a starter there this fall.

On the offensive side of the ball, I already mentioned Wright, but they also got a big time transfer QB from FSU, De'Andre Johnson. Now, this kid was a big time recruit and committed to FSU almost immediately. While on campus, he was at a bar one night and punched a woman. I immediately lost any respect I had for him. That is unacceptable. I don't care how much you apologize and say that you made a mistake, that is wrong on so many levels. And Johnson definitely paid for this horrific thing he did. He was very good on the field and in the classroom, but no one wanted him to come to their school, and rightfully so. He got kicked out of FSU for hitting a woman, so what other "power 5" conference school would want that baggage? None. They all stayed far, far away. I feel like that is exactly what should have happened. But, of course he went and signed on with Florida Atlantic, the spot that Lane Kiffin is now the head coach. He is back playing D-1 football, but he is in a purgatory of sorts, and it is all deserved. Don't hit woman ever. It is never right.

Back to the defensive side, Johnson will be joined by my favorite player from this season, Tim Bonner. Bonner was a rambunctious kid that got in a little trouble and was removed from Louisville's football team. His year at EMCC started of slow, but by the end of the season he was getting sacks and pressures on almost every down. He is the epitome of a high motor player, and I think he will thrive at FAU. He also got his grades right, which is the most important thing. I will say, most of these kids say that school is so hard, but if you just put in minimum effort, you can pass. That is what I did, and I have a high school and college degree. School is not that hard.

As far as the coaches go, Buddy Stephens is still an asshole. He tried to be more calm and likable this season, but it all came off as fake, and every outburst at the camera crew made me think he was still the same old curmudgeon. He let Netflix come into his house and film, so there is no need for the attitude and the moping about them wanting to film him when he melts down. It comes with the territory. Also, his whining at all the assistants was totally uncalled for. Nothing, and I mean nothing, was ever his fault. It was always someone else's fault. That is ridiculous. More to that point, he lost a ton of his staff. Clint Trickett, the QB coach and offensive assistant, left for a job at FAU. The defensive coordinator, Ed Holly, who bore the brunt of most of Stephens meltdowns, left for Florida to go coach high school football. That is how much he wanted to get away from Stephens. Then we have Marcus Woods, the coach in waiting and offensive coordinator. Everything seemed fine until Stephens treated him like a child on the sideline of their bowl game and tried to kick him off the filed. Woods handled it with extreme class, all the while Stephens was complaining about his play calling. This led Woods to leave the team and stay at the school in an administrative roll. They clearly had a major falling out, and it was all Stephens fault.

Finally, we have Brittany Wagner, the football players academic adviser. She was just as great this year as she was in season 1. She seemed to be getting fed up working for EMCC, but mainly Stephens. He would not work nicely with her, even going so far as to blame her for some of his players having poor grades. She did her job wonderfully, and she truly loved and wanted to help these kids. Stephens may not have realized it, but the players parents recognized it for sure. Wagner is a wonderful person. She left EMCC, thankfully, and she has now taken a similar type job in Michigan. She seems to be getting as far away from Mississippi and Buddy Stephens as possible, and that is great.

I love "Last Chance U". They are done filming at EMCC, which seems like the right thing to do. They will be doing a third season, but they will be going to a junior college in Kansas. They got what they needed out of EMCC, and it feels like the right time to move on to a different school, if they want to keep this show fresh. I highly recommend this show to anyone that likes football, but I think people that don't like football, but like drama, will really enjoy it as well. "Last Chance U" is wonderful.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. Get ready to book Ty as your keynote speaker to the class of 2018. His inspirational words on the ease of school, and just doing the minimum, is the motivation tomorrow's leaders need.

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For Love of God, Do Not See "The Emoji Movie"

The only place "The Emoji Movie" Belongs

Today I'm going to give a review of "The Emoji Movie".

Now, it needs to said, I have not, and will not see this movie. This movie looks like an absolute piece of garbage, and by all accounts, it is terrible. This is also one of, if not the, biggest cash grabs I have ever seen. Has Hollywood really run out of ideas? Has it come to this? Is this what we, the viewing public, has to realize that we will get from big time movie production companies? Are there no new ideas, unless it is from an indie studio, a la A24? I'm flabbergasted that this movie even made it past the pitch phase. The fact that writers and actors, some well known, well regarded and very good, gave their voices to this movie is insane.

It should also be known to the readers that I don't use emoji's when I text or write or do anything that may involve an emoji. First off, I don't know what half of them mean. Second, I am not a high school student, so I know how to write full words and not waste my time with some stupid smiley face or a piece of shit. If I'm happy about something, I use the words happy, ecstatic, goofy, anything that portrays my happiness. If I think something is shitty, I say that it is shitty. I do not need a picture to get across what I am trying to say. Also, I have a hard time deciphering what someone is trying to say to me when they send me emoji's in a text. This includes family members, and my wife. My wife and my mom love to use emoji's, and I have to ask them all the time what they mean. Is that smiley face a sarcastic one, or are you serious? Why all the hand claps, did I do something good, or is this another sarcastic thing? What's with the heart? Just say love. These are all questions I have said to anyone that has sent me these particular emoji's. So, the fact that a 90 plus minute movie was made based on our lazy speech patterns as Americans is sickening to me. We have really fallen off as a country. I didn't think it could get any worse than what the archaic, and very stupid, electoral college did in November, and "The Emoji Movie" has made that horrifying act even more horrifying.

Where we sit right now, the movie is rocking a 3 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, and I guarantee the 3 percent that like it are the same stupid ass morons that voted for that narcissistic pig who is dumber than a kindergarten student. I'm sure the people filling up theaters to see this piece of trash, the movie is not doing well, are either poor parents stuck with young children that haven't developed a sense of humor yet, or people that are just as dumb as that narcissistic pig that golfs more than he does anything else.

I feel bad for my mother because 2 of her grandchildren want to see this movie. One of them is my son. I am vehemently opposed to giving any of my money to this movie. My son knows this, so he went to his Mimi to ask her to take him. And since she is such a wonderful, selfless lady, she told him she would take him to see it. I have tried to talk her out of it. My son is only 5, he doesn't know what is funny or not. He still tells the same knock knock jokes. But, he wants to see this horrible movie. His cousin is in town, and they want to see it together. So, this week my poor mother will be taking at least one of them to see it. I think my dad has to tag along too. I can only imagine this is an absolute nightmare for them. But, they rule and are awesome parents and grandparents, so they will stick it out. I cannot talk them out of it either. I keep suggesting other, better movies to my son, but he won't have it. And his cousin, I think he just wants to hang out with Miles. And sure, tell me I'm a horrible curmudgeon of a father because I will not go see this movie with my son. I don't care. I've already heard about how unimaginative I am because I don't like "PJ Masks". I will say though, "PJ Masks" makes "The Emoji Movie" look like Shakespeare.

I am disgusted and annoyed that Hollywood has given up. There is nothing new. It is all remakes or cash grabs, for the most part. I don't care that my son is only 5, I'd rather he see "John Wick: Chapter 2", or "Baby Driver" than the god damn emoji movie. At least he would see some great action, and not a total waste of time. The fact that this got made is so sad, and maybe Hollywood will learn from this awful piece of garbage. Only time will tell. Until then, I say avoid "The Emoji Movie" as if it were the plague, because that is what it is for movies. This is horrible. I'm disgusted in Hollywood, and everyone that made this movie. And I will say it one more time, I have not, and will not see this movie. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He begged his parents to take him to see "Cool as Ice" many years ago and thought they had learned their lesson. Guess not.

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Cloves and Fedoras: Finally Catching Up to the Great Podcast "My Dad Wrote A Porno"

Cloves and Fedoras is SeedSings reviews for little known pieces of pop culture.  Feel free to contact us with your own submissions of undiscovered gems that must be known.

There is a podcast that I just became aware of about a week ago, and I have been obsessed with it ever since. I cannot stop listening to it, and it has almost become a problem, because I have 2 small children that are like parrots. The podcast I am talking about is, "My Dad Wrote a Porno".

By the title, I think you all can glean why it has become a problem for me trying to listen to this in the car. The podcast is filthy, filled with sex and very bad language, but it is also extremely funny and awesome. So, I have to find odd times to listen. For example, yesterday I was mowing my grass while my 1 year old napped and my 5 year old had his "quiet time". This was the perfect opportunity to knock off 3 or 4 episodes. When I go for a run at night, another great time. Sometimes, after the kids go to bed and it's just my wife and I, she will go read a book, and I will listen to another episode. It's all about finding time when my kids are not present, or sleeping, before I can hear a new episode of "My Dad Wrote a Porno".

Now, this podcast is new to me, only a week or so old, but it has been around for awhile. According to the podcast page, "MDWAP" has been around since October of 2015. I listen to so many other podcasts, so sometimes I am late, or in this case, very late, to something that is suggested to me by a friend or family member. This one was suggested by a friend, and I'm so glad he brought it to my attention.

"MDWAP" is so funny, and the funniest part of it is the host and his 2 friends who comment on each chapter. The host, Jamie Morton, says in the first episode that his father gave this to him for him to keep. Instead of just hiding the book, and the fact that his father wrote an erotic story, he invited 2 of his friends to start a podcast where he would read one chapter a week. His friends are the stars of the show. Both James Cooper and BBC Radio 1's Alice Levine are absolutely hilarious. Their reactions to sentence structure, dialogue and grammar are uproarious. I especially enjoy Alice's reaction to most things in this book. She sounds so put off by all this, but she keeps saying that she cannot wait to hear more. I am the same way. And James Cooper, he is literally just laughing the whole time, which is really the only thing you can do in a situation like this. I love that Morton did not hold on to this book as just some keepsake. It is wonderful that he wanted to share this book with 2 of his friends and the whole podcast listening world.

The book is entitled "Belinda Blinks". There is a sub title, but I still can't get over how ridiculous the main title is. I'm currently on chapter 8, "the Tombola", but up until now, "Belinda Blinks" has been as disgusting and hilarious as I could have imagined. When she has the job interview in chapter one, it was some of the most soft core stuff I could imagine. It was also a riot. As the book goes along, it gets more and more pornographic, and Cooper and Levine's responses are pitch perfect for each horrific moment. When Morton's dad goes into great detail about a sexual experience, the "oh my god's!" and "what the hell's" are a delight. There is one particular chapter where Morton's dad talks about Belinda going to a tennis party, meeting an American man with a very small "member", and complaining about her encounter with him. It is so poorly written, yet I was laughing so hard I had to stop what I was doing for fear that I would drop whatever heavy thing I was currently moving. Morton's father also has some weird thing with thongs, both for men and women. He also explains stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with his erotic tale in great detail. It is so odd.

The best way that I describe this podcast to friends and family is, imagine if your father wrote some erotic fiction and gave it to you. What would you do with it? I would love to think that I would do the same thing as Morton. I would want the world to hear this crazy story. And that is what makes me keep coming back to "MDWAP". I also love how every time Morton's father writes about a sexual encounter, both Cooper and Levine keep telling him, "this is your father!". I crack up every time.

"My Dad Wrote a Porno" is not a new podcast, but if you are a fan of comedy podcast and you haven't listened to it yet, I highly recommend it. It is so funny, and each episode is only about 30 minutes long. I only discovered it a week ago, and I am already on chapter 8. As far as I know they are still releasing new episodes and I cannot wait to catch up. This is a very, very funny and uncomfortable podcast, but in all the right ways. Give it a listen.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is currently working on his own porno called "Moistness At the Crack of Dawn". One day his son will read it to horrify the people of 2030.

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What Does it Mean to Know that Marge and Homer Simpson are Only 34?

After college, this is the next place we all are heading towards.

I was watching "The Simpsons" the other day because FX rules and they play it 5 days a week for at least 4 hours everyday. The episode I happened to watch was a very, very early one. If I think about it, it was probably in season 2 or 3. So that means this particular episode premiered in either 1990 or 1991. That would have put me at either 8 or 9 years old.

Anyways, this episode had Marge having a breakdown. The kids were yelling at her and Homer was showing her no love at all. Basically everyone in her family was treating her like dirt. Marge became so fed up, she called into Dr. Marvin Monroe's radio show. That sentence should tell you how old the episode is. Where my hardcore fans at? She called in to complain about her family and the way they were hurting her.

Throughout all the complaints, one stood out to me and I cannot stop thinking about it. She told Dr. Monroe that she was "34, stuck in a loveless marriage with 3 kids that gave her nothing but trouble". Now, my marriage is wonderful. We argue about stupid stuff here and there, but what married couple doesn't. And my kids, while they can be very, very annoying at times, and sometimes I yearn for the days when it was just me and wife and dog, I love them more than anything in the world. I also wanted to know what love is, thanks Foreigner, but I really knew what love was when I met my wife. I now know what love means even more since we've had our 2 kids. I am well versed in the knowing of love.

The thing that stuck out most to me was Marge saying her age. She is/was 34. Back in 90 or 91, 34 seemed so old. But, watching this episode the other day, that really stayed with me. I am now 34. In fact, I'll be 35 in December of this year. So that means, since no one on "The Simpsons" ever ages, I will be older than both Homer and Marge. That is so bizarre to me. It was so wild that I am in a similar situation as Homer and Marge. I am 34, I have only 2 kids and only a dog, but still pretty similar. So the fact that they never age, I will be older than both of them by next year.

I've had similar stuff like this in life happen lately. A few years back I was watching college football and I had this same sensation. I was in my late 20's, and I was complaining about some Michigan freshman not doing what he was supposed to do on a play. Then my dad let me know that he was only 18, and think about all the stupid mistakes I made when I was 18. Since then, I've eased up a bit on Michigan football. I still watch and flinch and squirm and my mood can be altered by the outcome, but since these kids are half my age, I do not yell and scream as much as I used to. Hell, I'm 12 years older than the seniors on the team now. Same thing with college basketball. I do not get nearly as mad because I am so much older than all college basketball players.

It is starting to become the same thing in pro sports. I was livid with KD leaving for Golden State last year. But then I sat down, realized he is only 25, and he can do whatever he wants. He is 9 years my junior. Hell, I'm older than LeBron James, and he takes a ton of scrutiny, a lot from me, but he mostly handles it like an adult. I'm older than a lot of NFL players too. Sure, Tom Brady and Drew Brees are a few years older than me, but Cam Newton, Aaron Rodgers, Khalil Mack and Jadeveon Clowney are all much younger than me. In fact, when pro athletes get to be my age, they are considered in the "twilight" of their careers. They are either retired, or close to retirement.

Even outside of sports, say in Hollywood, I'm considered old. I would be more of some young genius' muse if I were in movies or TV. Or, I'd be the much older brother that is either a screw up, or drops some excellent, poignant advice to my younger sibling.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, I've always known that I was getting older, but Marge saying that she was 34 on a very, very old "Simpsons" episode really hit me hard in the chest. I feel young, but I know that I'm not that young anymore. Hell, I played basketball 2 days ago and I'm still recovering. I wake up with aches and pains from old sports injuries everyday now. I have to stretch all the time in case I may pull a muscle. I need to take naps at random times because my kids have worn me out. We all get old, but Marge proclaiming her age finally made me realize that I am not a teenager, or even in my 20's anymore. That is kind of unsettling, but also helps me realize that I am doing things the best I can, and I think I am doing them pretty well. I love my wife, she loves me. My kids are healthy and happy and they love me too. My dog is well behaved and he tolerates me.

Being 34 is not so bad, but it does mean that I am closer to 40 than I am to 20. Like it or not, I am becoming an old man. Hopefully I have, at least, another good 34 plus years ahead of me.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. This post made the head editor angry. RD is in his young forties and feels like he is actually in his twenties. Except when he does yard work, or exercises, or thinks of bills, then RD feels like he is in his eighties.

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Human Garbage Hugh Freeze has Finally Been Thrown Out

Artist interpretation of Hugh Freeze's soul

Last week Hugh Freeze resigned as the head football coach at Ole Miss. This was coming for awhile, and everyone that knows and watches college football sensed it. He had been on the hot seat for a myriad of reasons, mainly his illegal recruiting tactics that were starting to leak out.

I became immediately suspicious of Hugh Freeze and the Ole Miss program a few years back when they pulled in a monster recruiting class. Ole Miss hadn't been good since Eli Manning was there, and they weren't even that good when he was the QB. So I was questioning why guys like the Nkemdiche brothers and Laquon Treadwell committed to going there. I was also suspicious of them taking on the much maligned Chad Kelly from East Mississippi Community College. Speaking of EMCC, everyone should be watching "Last chance U" on Netflix. I wrote about the first season and I am currently watching the second season and I will have a review as soon as I finish. It's a great show. Anyway, after taking on a guy with Kelly's baggage, getting the Nkemdiche brothers, Laquon Treadwell and guys like Laremy Tunsil, I was not surprised, I was suspicious. There is no way that guys like that would want to go play in the SEC for a team like Ole Miss. They were blue chip recruits. If they wanted to stay in the SEC, why not go to Alabama, LSU or Auburn. Those are the cream of the crop. And before someone says, they get every recruit, stop. They get every recruit because they are the best teams, and the best players want to play for the best teams. Even looking outside of the SEC, why not teams like Oregon, Ohio State, Michigan, Clemson, FSU, any number of big time teams that would have these kids playing important games late into the season and getting into big time bowl games? It didn't all add up to me as to why they would choose Ole Miss. Hell, at the time, Mississippi State was a much better team, so if these kids wanted to stay in Mississippi, why not go there? Like I keep saying, it all confounded me.

I also loathed all the religious and Jesus talk coming from Hugh Freeze after hauling in this class. It was all "god's will", or "the good lord gave us all this talent". That is downright nonsense. God didn't will any of these kids to go play football at Ole Miss. The "good lord" didn't hand you all this talent. I hate, and yes I want to use the word hate here, when coaches and players give all praise to the lord. That needs to stop. It is annoying and gobbledygook. Just stop with all the praise lord stuff. I'm so god damn sick of it. If there even is a god, I have some serious doubts, I guarantee one of the last things on his or her mind is where some 18 year old goes to play football. That is absurd.

After having one good year, reaching number 9 in the major polls, Ole Miss crashed back down to Earth and finished the next season with a losing record. Robert Nkemdiche, Laquon Treadwell and Laremy Tunsil all declared for the draft. Before the draft, we got the Nkemdiche falling out of the second story of a hotel room debacle. He ended being okay, but apparently he was intoxicated, either drugs or alcohol, and that caused him to fall. Hugh Freeze said nothing about this. Then, we got the Laremy Tunsil gas mask bong photo a day or two before the draft. Again, Freeze was silent. This caused Tunsil to slip a bit, and when he was questioned about other stuff, he claimed that he was given money to go play at Ole Miss by some assistant coaches. This was the moment Hugh Freeze decided to speak up. Instead of squashing the rumors of giving out money, he attacked Tunsil's character. He called the kid everything. He was a liar, and he stated that he and his assistants only played by the rules. What a cowardly thing to do to a player that was on his way out. He blamed the kid. It was not his fault.

All of the sudden though, Ole Miss started to get hit with sanctions from the NCAA. The NCAA is corrupt, but when they come at you, you better be ready to get hammered. In January of last year, the NCAA sanctioned Ole Miss for illegal recruiting tactics and for giving out impermissible benefits, i.e., giving out cars and cash to current players. So, the "good, god fearing" Hugh Freeze and his staff was hit with the exact sanctions that Tunsil had accused them of doing.

It only got worse for Freeze and Ole Miss from there. About 2 and a half weeks ago, with rumors swirling everywhere, Houston Nutt, former Ole Miss coach, sued the University and Hugh Freeze for defamation of character. Nutt said that Freeze and his staff went to radio and publications and TV and said that Nutt, not Freeze, was the one doing all the illegal stuff. They tried to pass the blame on to Nutt. Houston Nutt is not saint, but for Freeze and his staff to do this, that is childish bull shit. How dare they. Who do they think they are? That's how much of a liar and a cheater Hugh Freeze is, he has me defending Houston Nutt. I never would have thought that was possible. Nutt eventually won the suit

That was not the end of the Hugh Freeze crap show. Apparently, Freeze had been calling escort services, possibly for himself. He claimed it was a "misdial". But, during further investigation, the University found a "pattern of similar calls" on "multiple occasions". So the god fearing, deeply religious man that claims to have never done anything wrong was supposedly calling escorts, most likely for himself. What a crock. Hugh Freeze is an absolute phony.

Hugh Freeze, of course, resigned after all this came out last week. This was a long time coming, and I would bet a lot of money that Ole Miss is going to get hit harder and harder with sanctions now. I wonder who Freeze will pray to during this dark period in his life. Hugh Freeze is a creep, and I'm glad he is out of a job.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He one time "misdialed" a local Arby's. His reputation is just now recovering from people thinking that he likes Arby's. 

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Ty Watches "Bar Rescue": Jack's Place Edition

We had another new episode of "Bar Rescue" this past Sunday. Taffer is sticking to his hometown this half of the season and he went and saved another bar in Las Vegas. Last week he was in a small town in Nevada, this week, he was in the biggest town in Nevada. The bar he went to this time was called Jack's Place.

Jack's Place had the typical "Bar Rescue" story. The bar was thriving at first under the first owner, he retired and sold it to Corine, a bartender, and now it was going down the tank. Corine did not have the authority, or the want, to be the big time boss. She let people walk all over her so much so to the point that the staff called her mom. Mind you that only one of her biological children worked there. She also had three managers, but only one bartender. That meant that one guy had to basically pour all the drinks and take all the orders. You'd think that he would take this responsibility seriously, but he was a total jackass. He kept trying to flip the bottles around and do all these tricks that he was in no way capable of pulling off. I feel like he saw the movie "Cocktail" once and decided he could do everything in that movie. He couldn't do one simple thing, and that was making the drinks. He either put too much liquor, or not enough, sometimes forgetting to put liquor in a drink. He broke multiple glasses trying to do these tricks. Then, when pressed by one of the managers, he would just argue and complain that he was getting three different directions and he didn't know which one to follow. He was useless.

Corine, the new owner, also had no idea how to appeal to a new client base. Everyone that came to the bar was old regulars from the past, and she said that she had been to approximately 50 funerals of former customers since taking over as the owner. That is crazy. When you own a bar I imagine that I would want a wide variety of customers, not just your regulars. She just didn't know how to pull in a younger crew.

When Taffer arrived with his mixology expert Phil Wills, they saw everything I just told you. The customers were old, the drinks were messed up, the bartender was a total moron and the managers and the owner had no control. When he sent in his two spies, they both said all the same stuff too. One of them told his buddy that there was no alcohol in his drink. It was a mess. When Corine's son finally confronted the bartender that was screwing around, the bartender went off on everyone. He was yelling at anyone and everyone within ear shot. This was when Taffer went off and stormed into the bar. Instead of going to Corine, he went straight to the bartender and started to go off on him. It was your typical, yet spectacular Taffer rant. He kept telling the guy to "be a man and own up to your mistakes", and the guy kept coming at Taffer. The tension was only broken by a commercial break.After the break, the bartender relented and apologized to everyone he was just yelling at previously. This was expected.

With the apology out of the way, they went into stress test. Stress test was a nightmare. Everything went bad. They had only one well and one ice machine. The bar was circular and everyone was running into one another. The drinks were wrong, of course. The drinks were late, of course. It was a mess. Taffer and Wills shut it down and got to their training. First off, Wills went to see how clean the bar was, and you guessed it, it was disgusting. Bottles of liquor had fruit flies. The keg was leaking water. The ice was leaking Freon. It was totally unsafe and gross. After the crew cleaned the entire place, they got to work, but not before the male bartender threw a fake tantrum and quit. He came back, of course, and they got back to training. Wills made the drink menu much simpler, and this episode was clearly sponsored by Jack Daniels. Everything was a mix with Jack Daniels, and 2 of the bartenders, one of which has 11 kids, got to go to their distillery and check everything out. This happens from time to time on "Bar Rescue". Some big liquor company comes along and the show caters everything towards how great this particular alcohol/liquor is.

After the trip and the return, they got their big reveal, but not before Taffer and Corine had a heart to heart about her ownership style. Taffer said all his usual nonsense, and of course Corine promised to change. They changed the name to Regan's Bar. I think that was Corine's last name, and got set for re launch. The new inside of the bar looked fine, but not spectacular. During re launch everything seemed to be going over smoothly. The lone exception was one of the managers, Caryn, seemed unhappy with all the changes and she retreated to the back. After this little problem, Taffer left and everyone seemed happy. They did the 6 week check up and everything was going well and Caryn had been fired.

The past 2 episodes have been your average, run of the mill, episodes, and I love it. When "Bar Rescue" has trashy people acting trashy and Taffer stooping to their level, that is when it is at their best. Next week is a back to the bar episode, and I don't watch those, so come back in a couple of weeks for my review of their new episode, whenever that may be.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He used to flip his kids baby bottles behind his back like Tom Cruise in "Cocktail". No one was impressed.

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The Derrick Rose "Bidding War" is the Dumbest Story of the NBA Offseason

With the Kyrie Irving news last Friday, I wasn't able to comment on the supposed "bidding war" for Derrick Rose between the Cavs and Lakers. Well that changes today. I need to talk about this, and I want to talk about this.

The fact that people have said that there is a "bidding war" for Derrick Rose literally shocked me. Why on Earth would anyone want to fight over Derrick Rose? I'm not going to sugar coat it today. Derrick Rose is washed up. He is not the "great" player he once was. In fact, I never thought he was great, I thought he was a whirling diversh and a ton of fun to watch, but I never considered him great. I thought he was good, just not great. His MVP trophy was just so they didn't have to give it to LeBron once again, even though both he and Dwight Howard, yes that same Dwight Howard, had a much better season the year he won it. The Bulls just played way over their heads, and the voters figured they'd better give it to someone that was on a one seed. LeBron should have won it that year.

Also, while in Chicago, yes he was fine, but stories already started to come out about his attitude, his penchant for hogging the ball, his willingness to ice teammates out on the floor and he was seemingly becoming un coachable. He was like Russell Westbrook, except Russell Westbrook is a better player than Derrick Rose, by far. He also had much better teammates than Westbrook had last year. And in that MVP year, Rose and the Bulls got their asses kicked by LeBron, as we all expected.

Then the injuries started. The very next season Rose tore his ACL and missed the majority of the year. The next season he rushed himself back too soon and tore his other ACL. He was becoming incredibly injury prone due to his style of play. That is the thing with Rose. He was very good at getting to the rim, but he could never ever shoot and he is a horrific defender. Great rim attacker, but everything else, very mediocre.

While the injuries piled up in Chicago, everyone who watches basketball could see that he was either unhappy or uninterested in being in Chicago, or even playing basketball for that matter. He looked truly miserable. He was probably tired of being the face of the city, he is a Chicago kid. He does seem like the kind of player that is better suited at being a second or third option. I do not think he was ever comfortable being "the man" on an NBA team. He may have never said it, but that has always been the vibe I have gotten from Derrick Rose.

Then we had last year's offseason. Rose finally got moved. The Bulls decided to finally pull the plug, much to both theirs and Rose's delight. The Bulls traded him and his one year left on his monster contract to the New York Knicks. This was supposed to be one of Phil Jackson's best moves early on as a GM. When he was traded to the Knicks and then Joakim Noah signed there, I vividly remember many people, RD included, saying this Knicks team could go to the playoffs. Hell, Derrick Rose said in his introductory press conference that the Knicks and the Warriors were both "super teams". I didn't buy any of that. This team on paper looked truly awful to me. While the Knicks should have started the youth movement and build around Porzingis, they decided to sign 2 oft injured vets and let go of a true center in Robin Lopez.

Well, we all saw how the Knicks, and Derrick Rose, played last year. Sure, he averaged 18 ppg and about 4 or 5 rebounds a game. But, he was non existent on defense, and he seemed to be more of a ball hog than Carmelo Anthony. His fit was a total disaster. When he was on the court, he either bricked jumpers, iced out Porzingis and Carmelo and it seemed like if Carmelo did a good thing on offense, Rose felt he had to do something better. He rarely ever did something better.

Let us not forget that he also just disappeared in the middle of the year. He was just gone without any explanation. Everyone seems to have just forgotten this. That he just up and left the team without any notice. He was gone, and when he came back, he acted like he did nothing wrong. He acted like the media made up some stories about him. That whole situation was completely bizarre, and just reaffirmed that he is not a franchise player.

Rose also told reporters after his "leave of absence", that he expected a max contract this offseason. That shit was laughable. How god damn full of himself. He is nowhere near a max player. And what team is going to give an oft injured player that comes and goes as they please a max deal. Not even the Kings or 76ers would do some dumb shit like that.

And then we got the report last week of the "bidding war".First off, the most money the Cavs can offer him is 2 million a year, or the veteran minimum. They could clear a bit more space if they move Irving, but it is still not that much more. The Lakers can give him a lot more money, but they are clearly going youthful, and they are clearly handing the keys to the team to Lonzo Ball. Does Derrick Rose really want to go and be a rookie's backup? How in the hell would he handle something like that? Not very well I would imagine. Also, if he signs with Cleveland, and they keep Kyrie, he is going to most assuredly be the backup point guard there. How does he handle that? Will he be happy playing the Deron Williams role from this past season? He is a better player than Williams, but not that much better. Then there is the Kyrie Irving trade scenario. If the Cavs do find someone to trade for Irving, depending on the return, how will LeBron feel having Derrick Rose as his starting point guard as opposed to Irving? He may say he likes it better, but Rose is more of a ball hog than Irving will ever be. Rose will also want to take many more big shots than Irving did, and that LeBron should. I just don't like his fit with either team.

Rose still thinks he is a great player, I never thought he was, so he should go to a team that will give him the keys. The problem with Rose being "the guy", he would have to go to a team that has no future at all. Rose is at a turning point in his career. He needs to decide if he wants money or a chance at titles. If I had to guess, he will take the money because he thinks he is still great. He is not. If I were a GM of any team, I'd stay very, very far away from Derrick Rose. I'd rather have a player like Kay Felder or Vander Blue than Derrick Rose. That is how far Rose has fallen off.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing, the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast, and the greatest basketball writer on the internet. 

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