Pumpkin Spice Latte in August. No Thanks

Fist shaking

I’m going to go old man today and gripe about something that I saw while driving around this past Tuesday.

I was out with my daughter, heading to the playground, and we drove by a Starbucks. Now, Starbucks is fine when it is the only option. On a road trip is when Starbucks really steps up. But, if I have a chance, I go to a local shop or even a Tim Horton’s, which has some of the best coffee anywhere anytime. I’m also a big fan, as you all know, of Kaldi’s Coffee. But, I do have the occasional Starbucks. Yes, I’m one of those people who thinks their coffee tastes burnt. They clearly over roast their beans. But, it works in a pinch.

Anyway, what drove me to anger Tuesday was, when we drove by, I saw a sign that read, “it’s pumpkin spice season!”.

I was confounded.

First off, I’m a guy who enjoys my coffee sweet. But, pumpkin spice is way, way too sweet. I love pumpkin pie, and the pumpkin spice latte makes the pie taste savory. It’s too much. Also, this is a bone of contention in my home because my wife loves them. We debate about pumpkin spice lattes around this time of year every year.

What really threw me was the timing. We are not even close to fall, which is when all things pumpkin usually show up. The date when I saw the sign was August 28th. My son has only been in school for 2 weeks. It was still 100 degrees outside here in Saint Louis. It is still summer time. The weather, and the calendar still say it’s summer. Hell, it has “cooled” off a bit today, but it’s still in the low 80’s outside. How does any of this say fall to the marketing geniuses at Starbucks? Also, releasing the pumpkin spice in August is insane. They should wait, at the very earliest, for the end of September. I have not seen anyone put up fall or Halloween decor yet in my neighborhood, and I live in a spot where people love to dress up there front yards for whatever holiday it is. So I’m baffled that Starbucks felt now was the right time to put out this latte.

I’m sure it sold a ton, it’s a limited item, but come on. This was, and is becoming, a clear cash grab. People see “get your #PSL”, or, “it may not feel like fall yet, but a PSL will put you in the fall mood”, and they lose their god damn minds. They have to get one. It’s a little odd. I just don’t like it. We are in a rush now to push seasons so coffee shops can sell limited bull shit.

I’m not a fan.

I will not be buying any pumpkin spice lattes and I’m a little appalled at the release date of the first ones. Wait awhile Starbucks, you will still get people to buy them in waves if you wait until it actually is fall. It just made me real mad and I have a platform to say why. Take this as you will. Yes, I’m grumpy, but you have to admit, August is way too early to start selling pumpkin flavored coffee.

It’s absurd.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is going to lose his mind on September 4th when he sees the massive Christmas display in Macy's. Who doesn't think of the North Pole when it is 100 degrees outside?

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The McRib and the loss of one's youth

The bones say that this is no McRib

After spending Thanksgiving evening in Columbia, me, my wife, son and daughter all made the drive home on Friday after breakfast. We got very little sleep, a new baby and different house, and we were hungry for anything but turkey. We had our fill, going to three separate Thanksgiving celebrations. So, we chose to get McDonald's. It was right by the gas station where we filled up and it was not turkey.

We all got our usual. I had a quarter pounder, my wife had two cheese burgers and my son got chicken McNuggets. All standard stuff. But, my wife and I decided we wanted to get a McRib. Neither of us had one in over 15 years and we both thought that we remembered they were tasty. So, we threw caution to the wind and ordered one to share. We ate our meals first and then had the McRib afterward. My wife opened it and what was revealed to me was one of the sloppiest "sandwiches" I had ever seen. It was on a hoagie type bun, it was stamped to look like a rib, they SMOTHERED it in their barbecue sauce and pickles and onions were literally falling off the side.

My wife was the brave soul that took the first bite. I asked how it was and she replied, "interesting". I was intrigued. As I said before, I hadn't had one in 15 years and I used to devour them whenever McDonald's brought them back. I LOVED the McRib as a teenager. Now, it was my turn. I took my first bite. Interesting was a great way to describe it, but I would use the words "gross" or "extremely sweet and sloppy" or even "disgusting". Now, I did finish my half of the sandwich. I wanted the full experience I guess. But, it was not the same thing I remember. When I ate the McRib last Friday, I was so disappointed.

First of all, it is just their burger "meat" stamped to look like a rib. My biggest problem with this interpretation, there are supposed to be bones in ribs, that's how the meat gets it's smoky flavor. But the McRib, it's all "meat". Even the bone shape is edible. This was off putting from the get go. Then, you bite into the "sandwich", and all you get is the sweetest barbecue sauce you will ever taste. I've never been much of a fan of their take on barbecue sauce. It's way too thick and way too sweet. I prefer a thinner, spicier barbeque sauce. So, this problem I have is not McDonald's fault, it's just my taste. But the fact that they smother the "sandwich" in their barbecue sauce, that's unacceptable. Why do you need that much sauce on one sandwich? They don't douse their burgers in mustard and ketchup. Their salads aren't drenched with dressing. So why so much sauce on the McRib? My best guess, to mask the taste of the burger "meat". Then, they try, and fail, to cover up the sweetness by adding onions and pickles to the "sandwich". This, in theory, should work, but it falls totally flat. The onions are white onions, so the taste of those mixed in with what seems to be about 32 ounces of barbecue sauce is disgusting. You bite into this sandwich and you taste sweet barbecue sauce and very strong white onions. Does that sound good to anyone out there? (ed note: yes) It's almost like they thought, hey lets combine two totally different, exact opposite flavors because that will make the rest of the "sandwich" not so disgusting. Well McDonald's, I'm sorry to say, it only makes the McRib that much worse. The pickles are almost an afterthought. I've had very good barbeque, I try to go to Memphis once or twice a year just to have some of the best barbeque in the US, and they add pickles on the side, almost like a side dish. This works very well in these restaurants favors. But, the pickles that are on the McRib are sparse and add no flavor. There is 2, maybe 3 pickles on this "sandwich" and you can barely even taste them. They are just slapped on there as if to say, lets add more shit to this sandwich because it's not gross enough.

After finishing my half, I said to my wife, "well, I tried it and I will never eat one again. That was foul". She agreed, but she wasn't as harsh on it as I was. I was so upset at how terrible this "sandwich" had become to me. Also, why is it a seasonal item? Why does it only come around once or twice a year? Does the McRib really have a big enough fan base that McDonald's can have it come and go as they please? I don't know the answers to these questions. It reminds me of Starbucks and their Pumpkin Spice Latte. This was another seasonal item I tried this year that was way too sweet and left me feeling terrible after drinking it. It was just as sweet as the McRib, but in a different way. I felt like I was drinking pumpkin pie and that's not the way pumpkin pie should be consumed. Pumpkin pie should be eaten, not drank. Just like ribs should be eaten bone in, not smushed together into one single, edible patty. Both the Pumpkin Spice Latte and the McRib are terrible, terrible products that need to go away forever. I know a lot of people may like these two things, but I don't. They're too sweet and taste pretty awful. I'm more bummed about the McRib though.

 I absolutely adored the McRib as a teenager, but as an adult, it does absolutely nothing except make me feel awful after I eat it. I guess that's how it goes as you grow up though. Tastes change and you find new things you like and old things you loved are no good anymore. From now on, I'll stick with my quarter pounder with cheese whenever those few and far between moments I get lunch or dinner at McDonalds. No more McRibs for me.

Not now, not ever.

(Ed note: We believe in letting all voices be heard. I strongly disagree with Ty and can only say that the sloppy fake meat seasonal treat from McDonald's is a delight. Ty's taste buds did not become more refined, they became more wrong. Long live the McRib.)

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture Editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man podcast. He is looking forward to McDonald's Shamrock Shake with extra green flavor. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.