Ty Ranks the 2016 NFL Teams: Perfectly Cooked Porterhouse Edition

Now, for the final four. I legitimately believe, nor would I be surprised, if any one of these teams won the Super Bowl. Hell, two of the final four may end up playing each other. These teams are the best of the best. They have the best players, the best offenses, the best defenses, they have it all. These the elite.

At number 4, I have the defending Super Bowl champs, the Denver Broncos. The Broncos defense is so incredibly good, but since I've started with offense the whole preview, I'm not going to change now. Sure, Peyton Manning retired, and sure, he is a first ballot hall of famer, but he was the not the reason the Broncos won the Super Bowl. He played very, very poorly last year. They won in spite of him. Now that he is gone, they do have a question at QB. They traded for Mark Sanchez, why would anyone do that, and they have Trevor Simien on the roster, but he wasn't even good enough to be the primary QB at Northwestern, but they did draft a QB, Paxton Lynch. I wasn't high on any of the QB's in this draft, but Lynch is one of the taller ones, he has an okay arm, and he can run. But, the Broncos don't need an all world QB, they just need a game manager. I'm sure Sanchez will start the season as QB 1, but I bet by week 4 or 5, Lynch will be in there. The Broncos running game was supposed to be good last year, but it was non existent. CJ Anderson and Ronnie Tillman were supposed to be a great 1-2 punch, but neither of them did much of anything. They were mediocre last year, but I expect some kind of bounce back. The Broncos do have great receivers. Emmanuel Sanders and Demaryius Thomas are both great, even though Thomas drops a lot of balls, but they don't have a good QB throwing to them. They will get open, but will the QB, whoever it is, get the ball to them. The o line is just fine at pass blocking, but their run blocking needs to get better. Now, where the Broncos shine is defense. They are one of the best defenses in the history of football. They absolutely stifled the Patriots and Panthers on their way to the title last year. Von Miller is probably the best linebacker in football. He is a great pass rusher, run stopper and can cover. He is the total package. They lost Danny Treveathan, but that won't hurt them that much. When Aqib Talib isn't getting into mysterious bar fights, he is a great shut down corner. He plays dirty, but he has found a way to get away with it. Bradley Roby is a ball hawk. If he has a chance at a pick or a fumble recovery, he will get there. He is always in the right place at the right time. DeMarcus Ware is a beast off the edge. He is unblockable, and the best thing for him was getting out of Dallas and going to Denver. And TJ Ward and Chris Harris are exceptional defensive backs. The Broncos defense is loaded, and they will once again carry the to a division title and a deep playoff run. I think they finish 12-4.

At number 3, I have the New England Patriots. I know that Tom Brady is suspended for 4 games, but they won when he got hurt and Matt Cassell was the QB. Jimmy Garrappolo is better than Matt Cassel. He will keep them afloat until Brady gets back, and when he does get back, Brady will be on a mission. Goodell poked the bear, and the rest of the NFL is going to suffer for it. The Patriots don't have much of a running game, which is their Achilles heel. Dion Lewis and Legarrette Blount are fine, but they are not even middle of the field in the NFL. But, the Patriots have receivers all over the field, and they have the best weapon in all of the NFL in Gronk. Yeah, Julian Edelman, Danny Amendola and Chris Hogan are fine. But, Gronk is the man. He catches everything, he is unguardable, he is the best red zone threat in all of the football and he is the biggest and fastest player to ever play his position. They also got Martellus Bennett to pair with him as well. That will be deadly. The Patriots o line needs work, but the speed that Brady gets the ball out of his hand, that neutralizes any deficiencies I think they have. The Patriots defense is serviceable. The can get stops when they need to and they can get pressure. I know Rob Ninkovich just got hurt, but he will be back by October. They did sign Chris Long this offseason. That was a huge, yet very quiet singing. Chris Long is awesome. They still have Malcolm Butler, and he is a very good corner. Jamie Collins and Dont'a Hightower are still roaming the linebacker duties, and they are both good. The Patriots, as they have been the entire 21st century are good. They may not miss Brady all that much for the first four games, and when he comes back, look out, he will be on a mission to destroy. I say they split the first four games, then win 11 of the next 12 and finish at 13-3.

At number 2, I have the Arizona Cardinals. This is the Cardinals last chance with this team to make a deep run, but they have the talent to do just that on both sides of the ball. Carson Palmer is a very good regular season QB. He puts up big numbers and plays very well, during the regular season. He is a perennial pro bowler and even pops up in the MVP conversation from time to time. But, in the post season, he is a different QB. He looks flustered and makes way too many mistakes. they got whipped in the NFC Championship, and I believe he had 6 turnovers in that game himself. Maybe this is the year he rights the ship. David Johnson proved to be a very good running back last year. He is like a bowling ball. He runs low to the ground, carries tacklers and gains the tough yards. They also have a resurgent Chris Johnson. He looked like his old self at times last year, and that should scare their opponents. The run game in Arizona is solid. Then, they have one of the greatest receivers of all time in Larry Fitzgerald. This guy has done everything and then some for this team. He is the consummate teammate and pro. There is not one bad thing I will say about Larry Fitzgerald, he is great. And if Michael Floyd can stay healthy, they have a great 1-2 punch with him and Fitzgerald. Floyd can stretch the defense with his speed and Fitzgerald does the dirty work. The Cardinals o line is very good. They do an excellent job of pass protecting and they open some huge holes for the run game. Arizona's defense is also very good. They have a great d line, led by Calais Campbell. They can stop the run and sack the QB. They have decent linebackers that are much better run stoppers than cover guys. But they have two of the best secondary players in football in Tyrann Mathieu and Patrick Peterson. I personally think Peterson is the best corner in the game. He always guards the other teams best receiver and he usually shuts them down. He is also an excellent return man. Mathieu is a ball hawk and an extremely hard hitter. He loves to tattoo guys, and he will get some pick sixes and fumble returns for TD's. Being a defender, he has a nose for the end zone. I'm a big Tyrann Mathieu fan. Arizona is the cream of the crop in their division, and I say they win it going away with a 13-3 record.

Now for number one. I have the Carolina Panthers as the best team in football this year. They were the best team last year, and they only got better this offseason. They have one of the best QB's and athletes in the NFL in Cam Newton. Newton is huge, he is fast, he is accurate, he has a rocket arm and he makes the right decision always. Cam Newton is rapidly becoming one of the best QB's in the game. He has no flaws, except for his ego, but that is not a big deal. Then, they have good running backs in Jonathan Stewart and Mike Tolbert. they are both similar in the fact that they are bigger running backs and that they crush would be tacklers. They are great compliments to Newton. Then, the way they got better this offseason, Kelvin Benjamin returns from injury. He is so big and so fast and has excellent hands. He gives Newton the threat he needs on the outside. But, let us not forget Ted Ginn Jr and Devin Funchess and Cory Brown. All these guys stepped up last year in Benjamin's absence, and they all played pretty well. Then, they have Greg Olsen at tight end. He is so good, so durable and so reliable. The dude just puts up numbers and I think he is Cam Newton's favorite target. He gets a lot of red zone attention. The Panthers o line is the best in the NFL. They protect Newton, they open holes, they do everything and they do it all exceptional. This team is lethal on offense. Then on defense, they have some damn good players. Luke Kuechly is one of the best linebackers in the game. He is a sack and tackling machine and he is a very good cover guy. They also have Thomas Davis out there at linebacker, and he is right there with Kuechly is talent. The d line is great. Kawann Short, Kony Ealy and Star Lotulelei wreak havoc in the backfield. The secondary did lose Josh Norman, but they have guys that can do the job. The ageless wonder Cortland Finnegan is back there. And Leonard Johnson and Tre Boston are good secondary players. They are not Josh Norman, but I don't think the Panthers will be too hurt without him. The Panthers are exceptional and they should have won the Super Bowl last year, they just got outplayed. This team may flirt with perfection again, but I say they finish 14-2 and they will have a fairly easy road back to the Super Bowl.

That is my countdown of all 32 NFL teams. Come back tomorrow when I will pick my Super Bowl winner and award winners. And come back Friday for my college football preview.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He remembers the days of ESPN arguing for Blaine Gabbert over Cam Newton as Carolina's number one pick. Those guys at ESPN sure are smart. Follow Ty on twitter @tykulik.

The Browns and Titans have Already made their Teams Better

The future looks bright in Cleveland and Nashville. Time to break out the shades.

The NFL draft starts next week. There has been a lot of movement in the two weeks prior to this years draft, a lot more than usual.

Last week the Titans traded the number one overall pick to the LA Rams (one more time I want to say SCREW YOU STAN KROENKE). They moved back in the first round and they also acquired a ton of other picks in this year and future drafts. I thought this was unusual, but the Rams just moved back to LA and they want to make a splash. It still doesn't make a lot of sense to me, and Tennessee got a much better deal out of it, but, sometimes weird stuff like this happens prior to the draft.

Then, just a couple of days ago, the Cleveland Browns traded the number two overall pick to the Eagles, again for a bunch of later and future draft picks. This really piqued my interest. Cleveland has been a gutter team ever since returning to the NFL in the early 90's. They have had about a million different players start at QB, and since they've blown every QB draft choice, they haven't really panned out so well with other position draft picks. Guys like Trent Richardson, Joe Thomas and Josh Gordon have not been that good since they entered the league. So, I assumed, like everyone else, they would stick with this pick and draft another QB. I know they signed Robert Griffin, but he simply cannot stay healthy. I also heard a lot about how there were three QB's in the upcoming draft that could be franchise players. So, Cleveland keeping the second pick just made sense to me.  Why would they trade this pick? Do they not like the QB's as much as other teams do? Do they think they can get someone later and have them sit behind Griffin for a couple of years? I have a million more questions, but these three will have to suffice for now.

Question one, why trade the pick? I think they like the idea of having multiple choices and not having to reach for a QB so early in the draft. This is actually a pretty smart idea by a front office that has seemed incompetent at times. Stockpile picks and draft players in the later rounds. Players picked in the later rounds seem to be more successful in the future than a lot of the first rounders. So, good, savvy move by the Browns.

Question two, do they not like the QB's available in round one as much as other teams do? I don't think its' just the QB's, I think this whole draft is pretty weak. This is actually, the main point of the blog today. After these two trades occurred, I did some of my own research about the draft because I think both Mel Kiper Jr and Todd McShay are morons. They're glorified, wannabe head coaches that have nothing but free time and they sit around and watch game film as if they are involved with an actual NFL franchise. Both of those guys are absolute jokes and they work for ESPN. It's a double whammy of idiocy. So, since I am just as qualified as both McShay and Kiper Jr, I looked into the draft class, and as I said before, it is not great. Sure, there's some good, quality guys that could be starters and even pro bowlers, but there is no franchise changing player out there. There's not one player that makes me think that they can turn one of the teams picking early in to immediate contenders. In fact, there hasn't been many transformative players since Cam Newton was picked first overall four years ago. But this draft class, oof, it's mediocre.

The QB's that every "expert" are high on, I don't see all that much from. Jared Goff is tall and has a good arm, but he's skinny, played in an offense that allowed him to throw a lot and he was still average and he did not lead Cal to more than 8 victories while he was there. He's about as good as Jay Cutler. Carson Wentz, the hottest name in the draft right now, played 1-AA college football, so he wasn't playing the toughest competition and he is a bit undersized. He did win a bunch in college, but so did Joe Flacco. Yeah, Flacco was the QB of a Super Bowl winning team, but that team won with defense, not because of Flacco. Wentz's name and stock will never be higher, but I'm not as impressed as others seem to be. The other notable first round QB is Paxton Lynch. Yeah, he started really strong and yeah, Memphis beat Ole Miss early in the year, but when that team needed him to lead the most, they folded. I would not draft him until the third or fourth round.

It's not just the QB's that don't impress me, it's most of the class. There's Ezekiel Elliot, who was great in college, but so was Melvin Gordon and he looked not so great his rookie year. I think Elliot is a lot like Gordon. It will be tough sledding for the first few years. On the defensive side of the ball, there's guys like Jalen Ramsey, Joey Bosa, Myles Jack, Vernan Hargreaves and Shaq Lawson. None of these guys really jump out as stars to me. Jalen Ramsey is big and fast, but he also gets beat deep sometimes. Bosa is tough to block, but he'd rather get high that work on his game. Myles Jack was injured all of last year and he kind of comes off as a spoiled brat. Hargreaves was torched by Michigan and Jake Rudock in the Citrus Bowl. That should scare a lot of teams away. Shaq Lawson is fast, but he is very undersized. None of these guys project as a Charles Woodson or a Bruce Smith. They all seem more like situational type players that will look good at times, but will also look mediocre most times. Even the offensive line players, usually the easiest ones to predict future success, look suspect with one exception. That exception is Laremy Tunsil. He is going to be a very, very good offensive lineman in the NFL. He has the size, strength, footwork and ability to put it all together. Everyone else in this draft is very ho hum to me. I don't see any great players, except for Tunsil. This is the biggest reason I think the Browns and Titans traded out of the top two spots. There's no pressure from the fan base to take a QB that early. The Titans already have a good, young QB in Marcus Mariota and the Browns, they have time to put a team together. Robert Griffin is not going to turn that team around.

Which brings us to my third question for the Browns, are they willing to draft a QB in the later rounds and let him sit behind Griffin for a couple of years? Absolutely. They have nothing but time. They can wait because that team is a total pile of garbage. The fans have no expectations for this team to be any good for awhile now. They can take someone and stash him on the bench and let him learn the system. They got rid of Johnny Manziel, who is a locker room cancer and just an all around garbage person, so the young QB they draft will not have to listen to his whining and complaining. And the Titans, they can draft a ton of other weapons with all the picks they stockpiled to help out Mariota in a year or two.

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but the Titans and the Browns front offices both did a very good job, getting these deals done. The Eagles and the Rams on the other hand, they made very poor choices. I'm sure the Rams will take Goff and I'm sure they'll go 6-10 or 7-9 like they do every year and their offense will be inept. Poor Todd Gurley. He has to deal with this shotty offense. He is the only real playmaker and Goff will not make any team fear the pass. Everyone will load the box against the Rams. And I'm sure the Eagles will take Wentz, which will piss off Sam Bradford, but the inevitable moment he gets injured, Wentz will be thrown into the fire. That's not how you want to bring a young QB along in the NFL. This draft is crummy and I don't get all the hype surrounding the QB's and the two big trades.

On a more serious not, I just want to say Rest In Peace to Prince. I heard the news that he died at the age of 57 today. I don't know too much about Prince, other than the fact that he is an exceptional guitar player and that he has written some of the best pop songs of all time. He voice just wasn't for me. But, I know our head editor, RD, is a huge fan of his and I know he will put together a much better, much more touching piece than I could ever write for you guys. You will be missed Prince and the cool people in the world need to quit dying.

Also, Rest In Peace to Pearl Washington. Many of you may not know who he was, but he is one of the all time great college basketball players. He played for Syracuse during the time when the Big East was the best and most competitive conference in the sport and Pearl Washington was the best player. He combined street ball with college ball and shined. He was an all time great. We lost two great people this week and that stinks. Rest In Peace Pearl Washington and Prince. You both will be missed by a lot of people.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. Follow him on twitter @tykulik.