The Naked Chicken Chalupa was Good for the Taste Buds, Not So Good for the Stomach

Damn you Beautiful Taco Bell

Last Friday I wrote about how excited I was that Taco Bell was bringing back the naked chicken chalupa. It was my ode to the one thing I love about Taco Bell. Well, last night I went to get a few for me, and one for my wife. She wanted to try them too, because much like me, she loved them. So I got us 3 mild ones, 2 for me, 1 for her, and we dug in.

I have to tell you, they’re still pretty great. The fried chicken shell was pretty tremendous. It has a nice crisp to it, the way it’s shaped is perfect for a taco, and the “chicken” tastes pretty good. The inside is filled with shredded lettuce, shredded Mexican cheese and diced tomatoes. This was all fine, but didn’t add much. But, something I forgot about, there is some kind of spicy green sauce at the bottom. It’s too smooth to be guacamole, but too green to be sour cream. I am glad I got us the mild flavor because this green sauce has a kick. I am a big fan of what they did with this sauce. I added 2 packets of hot sauce and my wife ate her’s sans sauce. I prefer my method. While eating the naked chicken chalupas there were just sounds being grunted, or the occasional, “yep, these still hold up”. We both remembered why we liked them so much.

So yeah, the naked chicken chalupa is still pretty great. And, shockingly, I didn’t feel sick or gross after eating them last night. I was kind of surprised by this pleasant feeling. I was full, but not bloated. But, all that changed this morning.

Now, before I get into it, I regret nothing. My wife got up to get ready for work and told me she wished she hadn’t eaten the chalupa. I asked if she were sick, and she said no, but that she felt awful. I was surprised because I still felt okay. This was around 7am this morning. My wife left for work, seltzer water in hand around 730. I still felt fine, but as I was making my son breakfast, the pain set in. I’m not going to get gross, but I will say, I’ve spent a good amount of time in my restroom today. I feel like I’m being punished by my diet and by Taco Bell. I shouldn’t have eaten one of these, let alone 2. My body is rejecting these chalupas. I now remember why I don’t eat like this regularly anymore, and why I stay away from Taco Bell. As I said, I regret nothing, but my body sure does. The thing that frustrates me most is how long it took to take effect on me. I thought I was in the clear. I thought my stomach was going to let me get away with it. I thought, since Sunday is my day to eat whatever I want, I would be free from this feeling. Well, I was/am not. I should have only had one, but who’s to say I still wouldn’t feel like I do now? Taco Bell is evil, and I’m paying for it today. All of this isn’t to say that I won’t be going back to get more naked chicken chalupas, hell, I might get more this coming Sunday, but I will think about it a bit more.

The fact is that the naked chicken chalupa is great. I still love it. But, I despise the way it has made my body feel today. Was it worth it? Probably not. Will I buy more, eat them and deal with the aftermath? You better believe it. Go, please and buy these because they’re great. Just know, you will be in for a rough day the day after. God damn you Taco Bell. Why must you torture me so?

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. His body has not been properly trained for Taco Bell like the head editor. A strong regiment of chili cheese burritos should be all the training Ty needs.

Follow Ty on instagram and twitter.

SeedSing is funded by a group of awesome people. Join them by donating to SeedSing.

Long Live Taco Bell's Naked Chicken Chalupa

Taco Bell has big plans for you guys

I'm not much of a fan of Taco Bell. I have stated as much on the podcast. Hell, RD and I went into a big time debate early on in our podcast. He loves it, me, not so much. Everything there tastes the same to me. It is all one big goo of meat and random sauces. Now, this isn't to say that I do not go there. In fact, on days that I don't diet, Taco Bell is one of my go to fast food spots. It is cheap, and I know what I am going to get, and that it will satisfy me until it decides it is time to void my body. I want to give the right person credit, and I am pretty sure it is Matt Braugner, a fantastic stand up comedian, but he nails it when it comes to Taco Bell. He basically says that everything comes from what is basically a caulking gun, and that the food is meant for drunk people to "soak up the night". I mean, come on, that is too perfect.

I say all this because I am excited about something that I saw on my TV last night pertaining to Taco Bell. One thing I do "admire" about them, they always take chances. They come up with new food stuffs all the time. I remember when the chalupa first came out. I remember when they first started making their version of quesadillas. I have tried their take on fries. I haven't had their breakfast, but I have heard good and bad about it. I used to love their 2 shelled tacos, I can't remember what those are called (ed note: Double Decker Taco), but I do know that they were held together by a smear of refried beans, and their selection of drinks, even though it is a Pepsi establishment, and that is utter blasphemy, is pretty unique. But, the one new product they came out with a little over a year ago that I went nuts for was the naked chicken chalupa.

For those of you that don't know what that is, first off, you are a better person than me, second, it is a taco, but the "shell" is a piece of fried chicken shaped like a corn tortilla. When this first came out I stayed very, very far away. I did not want to lower myself to being a person that tried, and liked, a naked chicken chalupa. I had lost all this weight, I was calling myself a runner, I was, and still am, hiking all the time, and I was, still am, an avid basketball player. I didn't need the naked chicken chalupa. But, I was convinced by many, many people, who I trust, to try this thing. So, my wife and I ventured on over to Taco Bell on a day where I let myself eat whatever I wanted, and I tried one.

Oh my goodness was it amazing. I kid you not. I was floored by how good this naked chicken chalupa was. I couldn't believe that, of all places, Taco Bell made something so original, and tasted so good. This wasn't like their typical fare, this was unique. As I stated, the shell was a piece of fried chicken shaped to look like a shell. That is insane. Then, the inside had some lettuce, diced tomatoes and a little Mexican cheese blend. I put some fire sauce on it and I was hooked. I went back that day and got some more. I then went a few more time, just to get the naked chicken chalupa. Then, like some cruel joke, it was off the menu. No reason was given, other than it was seasonal, and I was crushed. I finally had a reason to got to Taco Bell, and not be ashamed of myself. I know it isn't healthy, but as a big time advocate of the Atkins diet, this was as close as Taco Bell, or any other fast food restaurant for that matter, has gotten since KFC made the double down, which is horrendous.

Lucky for me, I saw a commercial that brightened my day last night. Taco Bell has these new ads that are like throwbacks to old creepy news stories, and the guy that is the spokesperson said that they were bringing the naked chicken chalupa back. I was so excited I rewound the commercial and showed it to my wife, who was just as excited as I was. I'm not sure the exact date that they are bringing it back, for all I know, they already have them in the restaurant, but I know for god damn sure that I am going to buy a shit ton of them. This is a good thing that Taco Bell has done. They are bringing something back that was wildly successful, and hopefully this time, they keep it around for longer, or just put it on the menu permanently.

I know this is a weird and goofy thing to be excited about, but dammit, I'm pumped. Thank you Taco Bell. For once in your odd existence, you are doing the right thing. Long live the naked chicken chalupa.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is not yet aware that there is a "Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa" that is advertised to be a little spicy. Dump some fire sauce on that thing and experience fast food heaven.

Follow Ty on instagram and twitter.

SeedSing is funded by a group of awesome people. Join them by donating to SeedSing.