Ty Ranks the 2018 NFL Teams: The Bottom of the Coffee Pot Edition

Day 2 of my NFL preview, and I will be counting down teams 28-25. I will say before I get started, one of the teams may be a surprise to some. But, with what they did this offseason, it really shouldn't be.

Okay, here it goes.

At number 28 I have the New York Jets. Now, I thought the Jets were going to be, hands down, the worst team last year, and they won 5 games, with Josh McCown as their starting QB. That doesn't seem like a lot, but when you look at this roster, that is an achievement. Dare I say, Todd Bowles is a solid head coach. Well, I should say, he can coach defense. That defense kept them in more games than they should have been in. Jamal Adams is a burgeoning star. He is a hard hitting safety, and when his coverage skills catch up, he will be an all time great. They have a solid D line, linebackers and an okay secondary. What holds this team back is their offense. They only won 5 games last year, and they were not shoot outs. This a team that wants to control the ball. They want to run and they are happy to win 17-13 or 10-7. Unfortunately, they don't really have much of a run game, especially since Matt Forte called it quits. They also don't really have good enough receivers. They also don't have much of a tight end. Their O line is suspect. They went out and drafted Sam Darnold and signed Teddy Bridgewater, but that feels like a reach and a last chance. Darnold could be good, but he was a turnover machine in college. Bridgewater looked like the Vikings QB of the future, and then he almost lost his leg. They do still have McCown, but I feel like 5 wins is his ceiling. So, while the Jets have a solid defense, and a solid head coach, their offense is horrendous, and that will keep them from getting anymore than 5 wins this year. They will not be in any Super Bowl any time soon. Also, Sam Darnold might be the next Mark Sanchez.

At number 27 I have the Denver Broncos. This needs to be said, I loathe the Broncos, and I despise John Elway. The fact that he got Peyton Manning near the end, and won a ring with him disgusts me. That Super Bowl was won by their phenomenal defense that year. Speaking of which, what happened there? They do still have Von Miller, and he rules, but where is everyone else? Did they all get snapped by Thanos and disappear into the ether? They have no one else on that side of the ball, and that makes me feel bad for Miller. He deserves so much better. He is a once in a generation talent. He is the Derrick Thomas, or even Bruce Smith, of this generation. The Broncos offense is just as bad as the Jets, but no one says so because they are the Broncos and John Elway is their GM. They started Trevor Siemian for most of last year. He is horrible. I watched him play college football live once and knew he wasn't that good. The fact that they thought they could win with him was hilarious. When they finally realized he was garbage, they turned to Paxton Lynch. Well, he was worse, and there is video evidence of him crying on the sideline of a meaningless late season game to prove how bad he is. People say that shows his competitive edge, I think it shows that he now hates the game of football. They also brought back Brock Osweiler for some unknown reason, and he was terrible of course. The Broncos also have no run game. They lost CJ Anderson, and now they have a platoon with some guy I don't know, and Devontae Booker. I took Booker with the second to last pick in my fantasy draft, and I was mad at myself for doing so. He is so poised to gain 200 yards and score zero touchdowns this year. But don't worry, you still have 5 foot tall Emmaunel Sanders, who is bound to get concussed, and Demayrius Thomas, who I think I am faster than. The Broncos stink. They are going nowhere fast, and it is because Elway has no idea what he is doing.

At number 26 I have the Miami Dolphins. The Dolphins are riddled with injuries, bad players and a bad coach. This is the same team that did give Jay Cutler 10 million dollars last year to be a doofus for them. But now they have Ryan Tannehill back, for maybe a month. He is going to get injured, that is what he does. He will never live up to this potential. They have no run game. They let their best receiver go to the Browns for nothing. Their O line is trash. The defense isn't much better. They did get off of Suh's enormous contract, but hell, he was the only halfway decent guy they had on that side of the ball. I guess Cameron Wake is okay too. But other than that, they have nobody that can stop anybody. Sure, they will get their one glorious win in the regular season over the Patriots like they do every year, but other than that, who cares. This team is not very good, and they need an entire new staff. Adam Gase is not a head coach. I'm just waiting for a story about him where he overworks someone. He seems like that type of dude. The Dolphins are not going to any Super Bowl now, and possibly never in my lifetime.

My final team for the day, my surprise team I teased at the beginning, at number 25, I have the Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks have thudded like no other the past 2 seasons. They crapped out early in the playoffs 2 years ago, and last year, they missed out entirely. Now, this team has put all their eggs into the Russell Wilson basket. While he is solid, I would not build my team around him. Also, he is going to get hurt at some point because the O line is so atrocious. They might be the worst one in the league. They also have no run game, partly because of the line, but also, they haven't had anybody that good since Marshawn Lynch was let go. They have trotted guys out there, but none have been worth their salt. The receivers, minus Doug Baldwin, who I'm not even that high on are no better than third or fourth, or slot options. They have no tight end either. They also couldn't figure out how to use Jimmy Graham, one of the better tight ends in the league, so they just must not care about that position. I think last year proved how far this team could go with Wilson as "the guy". The defense, what they used to be built around, is gone. Michael Bennett, Richard Sherman and basically Earl Thomas, he wants out of there so bad, are gone. Sure, they might be passed their prime, but now, they have to replace all of them. I'm also sure Kam Chancellor will get hurt, and Bruce Irvin already played his best football. This team's defense is a total shell of its former self, and they are not the unit they once were. They cannot really stop anyone. They don't strike fear in anyone anymore. The Seahawks had a solid run, hell, they even won a Super Bowl, but they are done as a dominant franchise. The offense may put up numbers, but the defense will not be able to stop anyone. They are on the downswing.

That does it for today, come back tomorrow for the next 4 teams.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is very happy to get the hate out of the way for the Broncos and Seahawks. The next few posts should be filled with hapiness, that is until Washington DC.

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