The Original "Jurassic Park" is a Masterpiece

My wife and I have been going back and watching the entirety of the "Jurassic Park" series. She is a big fan and I adore the first few movies. She also really wants to see the new movie, me not so much, so this is her passion project before she sees it.

I have zero interest in the new "Jurassic Park " universe. I have seen the first two new movies and I did care for them. I do not think Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard have any chemistry, I find it nuts that they can "train" Velociraptors, there's far too much product placement and the movies are way, way too long. I remember seeing the first new one in the theaters with a big group of my wife's family, and my mother in law and I were the only ones that did not like it. At all. We were shocked that the other people we were with enjoyed it. It is not, in my opinion, a good movie. Then my wife and I saw the second one at home on a date night and I fell asleep. I usually never fall asleep at movies, but this one put me out. So I am not stoked to see the new movie. I am stoked to go back and watch the first three originals. I remember the second and third movies being not so good, but they were fun. We have recently watched the original and that is what I want to talk about today.

I had not seen this movie in about a decade. I went back a few times in the early 2010's, watched it tons when I was a kid and saw it on opening night in the theaters as a 10 year old. I did not know what to expect on this recent rewatch, but let me tell you, this movie holds the hell up. The original "Jurassic Park" is a true masterpiece for me. I felt like a kid again watching the movie. It transformed me back to that little kid seeing it in the theater for the first time. I got excited when I saw the brachiosaurus. Seeing the triceratops was amazing, even though it was sick. The baby raptors were cute, albeit they should have never been breeding them. The grown up raptors were as relentless and ruthless as I remembered. The dilophosaurus has the best kill in the whole movie. And that T-Rex, oh man did it look amazing. Think about it for a minute. The original movie came out in 1993 and the CGI looks really good. There are moments when you can see how elementary it is, but in all seriousness, this movie looks amazing given the date it came out.

To add to the greatness, the story is still incredible and prevalent. The stuff they talk about, how they address science, the talk about creating species, it all works. It is also prescient. It makes sense today.

Also the actors, man did they show the hell up. Sam Neill is a treasure. He is masterful. Laura Dern crushes. She is a beast and she deals with some crazy stuff. The kids are not too cloying or cliche. Jeff Goldblum is at his Jeff Goldbluminess, if that is a word. The guy who runs Jurassic Park, I cannot think of his name nor do I want to look it up, is incredible. Sam Jackson and Newman from "Seinfeld" are phenomenal. Even the little side characters, like the lawyer and worker at the park, play their parts perfectly. I am stunned at how much I loved this movie, but I should not have been. It was one of my favorites as a kid. But for some reason I was a little hesitant to rewatch. I think I did not want it to be ruined. But I liked it maybe more than when I was 10. I appreciate it more. I find the adults, namely Neill and Dern, to be the ones I side with now. Seeing the dinos on screen still gave me goosebumps. It still chilled and scared me when it was supposed to. Seeing the water rumble gave me wonderful memories.

"Jurassic Park" may be one of the few flawless movies ever made. I cannot find a problem with it at all. Go rewatch it, especially if you loved it as a kid like I did. My wife told me that it is her favorite movie of all time. She said that after we finished. This movie is incredible and totally holds up.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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Ty Watches "Tour de Pharmacy"

There are spoilers for the HBO film "Tour de Pharmacy". Go watch and come back to read Ty's review. It is currently showing on HBO Go, HBO Now, and periodically showing on one of HBO's family of channels at some time of the day.

This past weekend The Lonely Island and HBO released their second sports based faux documentary/comedy, "Tour de Pharmacy". I loved the first one, "7 Days in Hell", so I was excited for this second movie. When I say movie, I use that term loosely. This is basically a short. The "movie" runs about 35 minutes long. This is perfect for this subject material, and an excellent amount of time for what is basically a long form sketch.

Anyway, "Tour de Pharmacy" tells the "true" story of the 1982 Tour de France. This was the most drug riddled race in the history of bike races, according to the narrator, Jon Hamm. We all know now that, for the most part, the guys that do the Tour de France are dopers. It is widely accepted. "Tour de Pharmacy" takes this knowledge and makes it the entire basis of the movie.

Early in the program we find out that a rich German guy named Dittmer Klerken, played hilariously by Kevin Bacon, writes a letter to all 170 racers saying that they can do whatever drugs they want and they won't be tested, if they give him 50,000 dollars a piece. Klerken had built up incredible credit card debt due to a very absurd credit card ad in Sweden. The scene with the ad was probably my favorite part of the entire movie. It was so bizarre and odd and the talking heads comments on it were hilarious. If you watch this movie for one reason, make it to see the part with the ad. It was uproarious.

After the ad shows, they cut to the racers. They introduce us to 5 specific riders at the beginning. The first is Nigerian born racer, Marty Hass. He was played by Andy Samberg. Hass was born into a royal family that just happened to mine diamonds in Nigeria. They say that he went to an all American boys private school, and the people of Nigeria hate him. They hate that he is their country's representative. He is the epitome of a spoiled rich kid, and Samberg plays him hilariously. Another great part of this movie is they have the main characters as their older selves, and the actors that portray the older versions are perfect. Jeff Goldblum plays the older Hass. He is so god damn funny. He has some fake blonde hair hanging out of his hat and he wears African coats the whole time. Goldblum is just as funny as Samberg.

We also meet the first female, posing as a male, to ride in the tour. Freddie Highmore plays the young version of Adrian Baton. He was hilarious. His attempts to act like a female acting like a male was classic Lonely Island stuff. Julia Ormond played the older, and real, Baton, and she was equally as funny. She is a classically trained dramatic actress, but she pulls off the comedy to perfection. Her reveal at the end is wonderful.

Next up is Jackie Robinson's nephew, Slim Robinson, who is trying to get out of his uncle's shadow. He wants to be the first African American to break the color barrier, and at the time, cycling was the only sport that did not have many, if any, people of color. Daveed Diggs, of "Hamilton" and "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" fame is terrific in this movie. He is so funny, but understated. Danny Glover as the older Slim was equally tremendous. His wig is absolutely bananas. I loved it.

John Cena plays Austrian cyclist, Gustav Ditters, and he may have been the best in the whole movie. They show a picture from him the year before and he is rail skinny, then they show the actual Cena, and he is ripped. His claims that he isn't doping are so funny. The fact that he is that shredded, but constantly denies doping, is awesome. When the big fight breaks out in the first stage, and Cena starts to beat the hell out of people, I was in tears. Dolph Lundgren plays the older Ditters, and the whole "cheetah" and "cheater" scene is comedic gold.

The final main cyclist, JuJu Peppi, played by Orlando Bloom, was classic cycling cheater. He had so many drugs in his body that he actually died during the race due to a heart attack. Unfortunately for Peppi, he died while going pee, so his member was out when he died. There is a ton of male frontal nudity in this movie by the way. I have to say, while I don't like Bloom as an actor, he was really good in this movie.

The reason there are only 5 riders left is due to the fight I mentioned earlier. After the fight broke out, many of the riders came forward and said they were paid to not tell anyone that they were doping, and Klerken was the one that paid them. The only riders to not pay him were the 5 main characters, or as Seth Morris' ESPN anchor dubs them, "The Fab Five", claiming no one else will live up to that nickname ever. This was when we get a mini interview with Chris Webber and underneath his name it days, "a member of the much more famous Fab Five". Again, I was cracking up.

Lots of funny and wacky stuff happens during the race. I mentioned Peppi's death. Ditters get caught with cheetah blood, thus setting off the whole cheetah and cheater scene. Hass and Baton start to fall in love. Slim leaves the race to go be a farmer in France, only to return in the end. James Marsden, who was incredible as the announcer for the BBC, is involved in the race, but it is later found out that he is using a bike with a car motor on it, and Baton throws herself onto him to help her new lover, Hass, win the race. Just tons of crazy, hilarious stuff.

The people that they got to be the talking heads in the movie were phenomenal as well. Maya Rudolph is the head of a cycling magazine. She is great. Nathan Fielder is the head of the anti doping committee and he brings his dry humor to this movie, and it is pitch perfect. Joe Buck is himself, and he is really good. Mike Tyson and Lance Armstrong, both people that have done truly awful things in their personal lives, were actually pretty good in this movie. Lance Armstrong was pretty funny. Mike Tyson was a riot. JJ Abrams was pretty tremendous in his small role, as himself too. He plays a heightened version of himself, and I found him to be pretty good.

The entire cast was phenomenal for this small movie. The star, at least in my opinion, was Cena. He was the funniest of all the funny people in this movie. I have found that I enjoy Cena as an actor. Diggs was also really good too. Watching him try to get out of Jackie Robinson's shadow was just great. Jeff Goldblum was also really funny as well.

What I am trying to say is that "Tour de Pharmacy" was incredibly funny and I highly recommend everyone watch it. The Lonely Island seem to have found another niche that fits them, and I hope they continue to do little movies like this. "7 Days in Hell" was great, "Tour de Pharmacy" was better. I can't wait to see what they do next. Until then, go watch "Tour de Pharmacy" if you want a good laugh.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He recently competed his first mini triathalon and has his sights set on the 2018 Tour de France. Anybody know where he can score some cheetah blood?.

Follow Ty on instagram and twitter.

SeedSing is funded by a group of awesome people. Join them by donating to SeedSing.