Sour Patch Candy Cereal is an Abomination

no, no, no

no, no, no

In my home I do the grocery shopping. It is my duty as the at home parent, and quite frankly, I find it very relaxing. I like to go through the aisles. I like to find deals. I look at is as a bonding experience with my daughter, and son before he started school full time. I have written how opposed I am to the whole idea of getting groceries delivered, or ordering them and picking them up. I just genuinely enjoy the whole process of grocery shopping.

That being said, especially when I have my kids with me, I see and hear about some gross food. For example, my son loves Hot Pockets. I personally think they are gross. Both my kids love Gatorade. Not me. That stuff is so underwhelming. My kids pick out some of the weirdest and wildest candy that I have ever seen. Sometimes they get those enormous lollipops that takes days and days to eat. There is any number of just ridiculous or straight up gross things that my kids desperately want to try.

But, last week I think my son might have found the grossest thing ever. This is the equivalent of "Dr Pimple Popper" when it comes to food, in my opinion. When my son does come to the grocery store with me, which is not so often since I go on Monday, and he is in school, he likes to troll the cereal aisles. He loves to have cereal for breakfast, and I too, when I allow myself to eat it, enjoy a good bowl. My son loves really sugary cereal too. He and I both adore Cinnamon Toast Crunch. My daughter really likes it too. Both my kids love Fruity Pebbles and Fruit Loops. They don't like Cheerios, but they like the flavored Cheerios. Stuff like Honey Nut and whatever kind of sugary substance they add to it. They like Frosted Flakes as well. I usually let them pick one flavor each week for breakfast. This past Monday was my son's turn. This was the one and only time I overturned his choice. He told me, with a straight face, that he wanted Sour Patch Kids cereal.

First off, why is this a thing? Who decided that they wanted to take Sour Patch Kids, which are a fine movie snack, and nothing more, and turn it into a cereal? This is so foul. This is so gross. This is the nastiness of nasty. I truly do not get why this idea was green-lit. I asked my son why he would want something so upsetting, and he told me, and I quote, "it will be chewy like Sour Patch Kids, and then I get to drink the sour milk!". He said this with glee. I mean, sour milk is always looked at as a bad thing, and my son is asking for it. Then, how does this flavor combo even work? Like he said, "it will be chewy". I don't want my cereal to be chewy unless it has raisins in it. Raisin Bran is the only time that I will willingly eat a chewy item in my cereal. But raisins, while sweet, aren't sweet like Sour Patch Kids. They also aren't sour. I just don't get that part of the whole equation. The goal, at least according to their ad campaign, is for the candy to be sour, then sweet. How is that appealing in a bowl of cold milk. And for those of you that are going to come at me and say, "well gummy worms are good in frozen yogurt", first, no they are not. They get way too hard. Second, gummy worms don't have a sour element, unless you are specifically buying sour gummy worms. And then I definitely wouldn't want those in my frozen yogurt, and definitely not in my cereal.

The whole idea of Sour Patch Kids as a straight up candy is fine. But, when you put it in cereal form, it just gets completely lost on me. It is one of the foulest foods I could imagine. I would rather eat a bowl full of olives, and I despise olives, than a bowl of Sour Patch Kids cereal. I'm hopeful that this cereal will go the way of others that just didn't work because I do not like denying my kid food. But, in the case of Sour Patch Kids cereal, I will say no EVERY single time. That is gross.