The pre-Christmas Day season of Advent is upon us. Here at SeedSing we love the chocolaty goodness of getting a piece of candy once a day until we get to open our presents. As our gift to you we will present a new awesome holiday song for every day of Advent. This is the greatest music of the season. Enjoy.
Day 22: Patton Oswalt talks about The Christmas Shoes (language NSFW)
I really love Christmas music. This entire Advent Calendar project is a way to show the people who hate Christmas music that there are great tunes available to the uninitiated. My love for holiday music is directly related to the fact that while I was growing up my parents would regularly take me and my brothers to church. I was never super psyched to go to our little suburban catholic cathedral, except for one time of the year. The Christmas season was the only times of the year I was happy to go to mass, and it was the songs that created my excitement. Many of the best holiday songs come from the religious tunes the congregation would sing. Hope, light, the betterment of mankind. That is the true religious meaning of Christmas, and it sounds beautiful.
A couple of years back I heard the song "The Christmas Shoes" and I was left dumbfounded. I first thought that this "christian" song was some kind of SNL parody. It was atrocious. The basic plot centered on the story of a poor kid who wants to buy shoes for his mom on Christmas. These shoes are very important because the kid's mom is dying, and he wants her to look pretty if she meets Jesus. That plot is dumb enough, but what puts "The Christmas Shoes" into the stratosphere of appalling is that the song is from the point of view of some grumpy dude in line behind the kid. The narrator thinks that "God" sent this kid, and his dying mom, to be in this man's life so he will feel the Christmas spirit. It is a truly disgusting message.
In 2009 comedian Patton Oswalt dedicated part of his stand up set discussing "The Christmas Shoes" Everything he says is spot on. Oswalt talks about how manipulative and downright sinister the message behind "The Christmas Shoes" is. He also imagines a world with a God being pissed about people being grumpy on Christmas and a Jesus who is bitchy about a person's fashion sense. What Patton Oswalt does in the YouTube video attached to this article is take one of the worst Christmas songs ever, and give it a new hilarious life. You can skip the song and get a dose of the Christmas spirit by hearing Patton Oswalt tear this piece of trash apart. His thoughts on "The Christmas Shoes" makes the song listenable, because I hear Patton Oswalt's words behind every horrid verse.
A few weeks back my son was being rude to the checkout person at a store. When we were heading home, my wife and I were scolding him about his behavior. At one point I told him that Christmas is about being nice to your fellow person. My son was not listening and being quite defiant. As I was getting more angry and frustrated I heard the opening notes of "The Christmas Shoes". My wife and I stared at each other and smiled. My son was forgiven. The rest of the car ride was filled with joy and laughter. Patton Oswalt has made "The Christmas Shoes" a holiday tradition. Not the song, it is awful, but his thoughts about the tune's idiotic message is what Christmas means to me. Mr. Oswalt, I owe you a pair of some great Christmas shoes.
RD is the Head Editor for SeedSing and the host of The X Millennial Man podcast. Every year he tries to buy his wife some ugly shoes for Christmas, but he never has quite enough pennies. Help him buy those shoes by supporting SeedSing.