Getting Older Means You Can't Eat Pounds of Food in One Sitting

Lately I have been watching a good amount of "Man vs Food" on The Cooking Channel. It is just good noise for the background of the house, my kids like it and we all like to see if the host can finish their challenge they do at the end of the episode. I was watching it with my daughter last night while my son was at football practice and I think I uttered one of the first real, "holy hell I am almost 40 years old" phrases I've ever done. Let’s discuss.

We were watching this guy take down an eight pound cheeseburger, and when my daughter asked if I thought I could do that, I said, "first of all, my stomach would be a mess, and also, I do not ever want to eat so much food that I feel miserable for the rest of my day". Oof. That was like getting hit in the head with a mallet that said "almost 40" on it. I used to be able to pack in the food. I could eat. When I was above 300 pounds, it was nothing for me to eat a few double cheeseburgers, fries and a chicken sandwich. We have a restaurant here that does a 1 lb burger challenge, and although it made me sick, I finished it with ease. But as I have gotten older, lost weight and started to eat "better", the idea of stuffing that much food in my face has zero appeal. Sure it would be neat to have some people cheer me on while doing it, and getting paid to eat would be dope as hell. But the after effects just do not seem worth it anymore. I think that may be another reason I watch, just like watching skateboarding videos, I know I cannot/do not want to do what he is doing. I know that I would be hurting for days afterward. I know that the whole bathroom situation would be unpleasant not only for me, but for my family as well. The rare occasion when I overeat now, I just openly complain to my wife, who is very sick of hearing from me about it. I also lost a decent amount of weight, kept off over 60 of it, and doing the stuff that the host does on "Man vs Food" would ruin that for me. I know as I get older that the stuff I used to eat with ease will not be much of an option. I'm already struggling with spicy food, and I love spicy food. Mexican food is my favorite cuisine. I love nachos. But I cannot get all the heat on them that I used to. I love sport peppers on hot dogs. They make me instantly sick when I eat them now. I only want dry rubbed chicken wings, preferably with a non spicy rub. I cannot do spicy BBQ sauce anymore. I had some curry the other day and it about wrecked me. We took my son to a ramen restaurant the other week and I ordered my food with no wasabi or other super spicy additions. I just cannot do it anymore. And the copious amounts of food, that is completely off the table. The thought of eating that one pound burger makes me gag. Trying to throw down on chicken nuggets or fries from McDonald's is a non-starter. My wife always asks me what food I think I could eat the most of in one sitting and I always come up empty. I always find an excuse for why I'd have to stop. I think it is because I just don't want to eat like the host of "MVF" or like I used to before everything changed for me.

Now, I will not stop watching this show. I love it. But seeing him eat the spicy stuff or when the amount of food is over a pound, that makes me ill now. I know it makes him sick too. This is all a real sign to me that I am getting older and it is kind of a drag. I guess the silver lining with being this close to 40 is I know my limits. That is about the only good I can think of now. Oh well, I guess that's life.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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