There is Nothing Wrong with Bread Slicing Your Bagel

Best idea since sliced this

Best idea since sliced this

Some time last week there was this story circulating around the internet talking about how some people in Saint Louis like their bagels to be bread sliced. For those that may not know, bread slicing a bagel is taking a fully formed bagel, and slicing it into smaller pieces. Instead of cutting it in half, some people around here like it sliced into bread slices.

I really thought nothing of this story, I have lived in Saint Louis my whole life, and spent three years working at Saint Louis Bread Company (Panera to all you non-St. Louis people), bread slicing plenty of bagels. But man did this story blow the hell up. Soon, it was everywhere. I saw it on Buzzfeed, Uproxx, Deadspin, pretty much most rags and sites that are pure clickbait, although I do love Deadspin. It was everywhere.

What struck me most was the pure hatred and vitriol that was being spewed about the way some people like to eat bagels. Within a day, if even that, people were talking about how stupid people in Saint Louis were because they liked their bagels bread sliced. I saw some idiots "trying to prove a point", by dumping a carton of milk into a perfectly good box of Chips Ahoy cookies. I also read a bunch of people criticizing this way of eating by simply calling it "lazy", "unnecessary", "appalling" and "gross".


Who in the hell cares how someone consumes food? Why do people on the internet have to be so mean about something so trivial? I know that I can hate on things sometimes. I have written about sports teams and food and restaurant mascots that I think are absurd. But I have never once been critical of people that eat food differently, or gotten on someone's head about a food they like that I dislike. I simply don't care. If you want to sandwich 2 pieces of pizza together and eat it that way, be my guest. You want fries piled on your sandwich or burger, go for it. You want to cover you noodles with cheese sauce, or tomato sauce, or eat them with just butter, that's fine. You're on a low carb diet and you eat your burger lettuce wrapped, more power to you. And if you want to eat a bagel bread sliced, that is your own god damn decision. Eat that shit bread sliced, and eat it with a big smile on your face.

I will say, while it was a pain to bread slice the bagel, I tried it a few times, and it was just fine. It was kind of nice to spread as little or as much cream cheese as I wanted on each slice. I really liked the cinnamon crunch bagel bread sliced because I got a piece of the crunch on each bite. When it was sliced in half, the bottom half was just bagel. I used to throw that part out. But, the bread sliced gave me the pleasure of plenty of sugar within each bite. Bread slicing is way better for this kind of bagel.

I guess what I am trying to say today, people will find anything to complain about, blow it up and drag an entire city while they are at it. This is the bad part of the internet. People can hide behind screen names and post as much mean nonsense as they want. I mean, a bread sliced bagel was a form of ridicule for a solid week on the internet. That is really sad people. And it is really petty. Who cares how people in different cities eat food. Let Chicago have their deep dish. Let Pittsburgh have their fries on their sandwiches. Let California have great tacos. Let New York have dope ass deli's. And let Saint Louis have their bread sliced bagels. It's just food after all.


Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He is going to start slicing his bread loves like a bagel just own all you anti-St. Louis snowflakes.

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