Today I'm going to talk about my irrational hatred for the god awful franchise known as the Los Angeles Clippers.
I HATE THE CLIPPERS.
There's no amount of any love in my sports heart or brain for the Clippers. First of all, this is a franchise that's NEVER been to the Western Conference Finals. Not the Finals, they've never made it to their conference finals. They were mired in mediocrity for the majority of the 80's and 90's. They've become a playoff team in the 21st century, but they are best known for collapsing or flat out losing to teams that, on paper, they're better than. But, games are won on the court and not on paper. No matter what the people at ESPN say. I swear to you, when the Lakers were the best team in LA, everyone at ESPN loved them. Now that the Lakers are irrelevant and the Clippers are decent, all the ESPN employees have taken the Clippers as their "team". They all love the Clippers, but that will change as soon as the Lakers are relevant again. Bunch of sheep at ESPN.
Let's get back to why I hate the Clippers so much. Let's look at the players on the team. First, the starters. You have Chris Paul at point guard. He's a great basketball player, but I think he's extremely overrated. People always say that he is the smartest player in the game and runs his team to perfection. So, perfection to these pundits is, having a good regular season, only to crap out in the first or second round of the playoffs. I thought to be considered one of the greats, you have to at least make the Finals once and if you're lucky win the Finals. Not only has he never led his team to the Finals, they've never been to the conference finals, like I said earlier. He didn't do it with the Hornets and he sure as shit hasn't done it with the Clippers. He's also a whiny, crybaby on the court. He's constantly complaining to officials about calls or no calls. When he's not crying to the refs, he's yelling at his teammates for not doing what he told them to do. It's never his fault, it's always someone else's fault. That's not a leader, that's a whiner. He's also the dirtiest player I've seen since John Stockton. I swear. he punches someone in the balls at least 3 to 5 times a season. That's a punk move by a dirty player. Screw you Chris Paul. Shooting guard is manned by JJ Redick. This douchebag is a pile of garbage. First of all, he played at Duke, so if you're a fan of his, you're probably a rich, white privileged asshole that's never had to work for anything ever. Redick seems more concerned with how his hair looks during the game than actually playing the game. He's only good at shooting the three and, while the folks at ESPN will try to make you believe different, he's a terrible defender. He's constantly fouling people and James Harden made him his bitch in the final two games of the Western Conference Semis last season. Harden, who chokes on the biggest stage, destroyed Redick when he had the ball. Personally, I loved watching Harden own him in the playoffs. Redick is a subpar NBA player at best, but he has somehow managed to start for the Clippers the past couple of seasons. He's a glorified Jimmer Fredette. At small forward, they have a platoon of guys like Jamal Crawford or the rotting corpse of Paul Pierce or the newly acquired Lance Stephenson. Jamal Crawford is all but out the door. And good for him for getting out of that situation. This dude can shoot and, while he's a liability on defense, that's not how he's made his career. He's supposed to be instant offense off the bench. He shouldn't be a starter in the NBA. The Clippers signed both Pierce and Stephenson this offseason. While Pierce played very well for the Wizards last season, he's about 900 years old and he's played a lot of minutes in the NBA. He brings championship pedigree to this garbage franchise, but that was 7 years ago, and he had Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett on his team. I think he's well past his prime and he won't give the Clippers what they need. He's too old and has played way too much. I believe he used anything he had left in last years playoffs. The Wizards were beaten by the Hawks in 6 games during his run by the way. Lance Stephenson is a cancer and becoming a joke in the NBA. He is best known for blowing in LeBron James' ear during the playoffs two years ago. He can't shoot, he's not the defender he was three years ago and he doesn't get along with his teammates. The Pacers couldn't wait to unload him and the Hornets were more than happy to trade him one year after signing him to a three year deal. At power forward, they have probably one of the most overrated "superstars" in the league in Blake Griffin. This effin guy, I have a big problem with. First of all, the comparisons to LeBron James need to stop immediately. On his best day, Griffin isn't 1/100th the player James is. He's not even in Karl Malone's or Moses Malone's league. Those guys were all around good players. All Blake Griffin is good for is dunking. And, no matter how fancy it looks, it's still worth two points. He has gotten better at his jump shot, but he shoots it on a straight line and it's a disgusting looking shot. He plays little to no defense, he can only manage to get 5 or 6 rebounds a game and he's on the same whiner level with Chris Paul. He complains just as much, if not more, than Paul does to the refs. He's such a douche, he poured water on a Warriors fan two years ago during a playoff game. Did people call him out for this move of supreme asshole? Nope, everyone thought it was a funny joke by him. Not me. That's a bitch move of the highest caliber. He also seems more interested in his commercial acting than improving his game. He does have plenty of time to do commercials, because this team is always out of the playoffs early every year. I HATE Blake Griffin the player. He may be a good dude, but I can't stand him as a basketball player. Center position is manned by DeAndre Jordan. You know him, the guy who gave his word to the Mavericks, then changed his mind and instead of talking to the Mavericks and Mark Cuban like a grown man, he wouldn't so much as send a text message to them to tell them he changed his mind and wanted to stay in LA. I'd have no problem with his decision if he owned up to it properly, but nope, his "apology" was posted on twitter for crissakes. What have we come to in society if this is tolerated? This is what a child does, not a man making millions of dollars. But, in his "defense", he's never going to be a player to build your franchise around unless you want a team that can only win 20 to 25 games a season. All he does is dunk and rebound. He's a decent shot blocker too. Other than those things, he does nothing else good at all. People may read this and say, he's a new version of Shaq. Bull shit, Shaq was one of the best passing big men of all time and Shaq is a billion times better than DeAndre Jordan will ever be. If I were an opposing coach, I'd foul him on EVERY SINGLE POSSESION. I don't care if he shoots 100 free throws a game and the game lasts six hours long. I'd love to slow down their offensive tempo and make this joke of a free throw shooter beat me at the line. He's NEVER going to be better than a 40% shooter from the line. Never. I also hope he's happy with being Chris Paul and Blake Griffin's scapegoat for the rest of his career. It will never be their fault, it will always, somehow, be Jordan's fault. Congrats on having to deal with that for the rest of your basketball life. The bench is made up of guys like coaches son Austin Rivers, Jason Segel look alike Spencer Hawes and hotel trashing, girlfriend cheating Glen "Big Baby" Davis. Austin Rivers recently said that he was better than the majority of the guys participating in the recent Team USA scrimmage. He claimed to better than guys like Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, James Harden, John Wall and Steph Curry. Um, Austin Rivers, you wouldn't be the best player on the current 76ers team, so get your head out of you ass you stupid moron. The only reason he's still in the NBA is because his dad coaches the Clippers and, as any father would, wants his son to succeed. Too bad your son is a shitty basketball player Doc Rivers. Spencer Hawes is a terrible NBA player. He can't rebound, play defense, block shots or shoot. He's a bum that the Clippers overpaid last offseason and then under utilized him when he started to play poorly. He played poorly all season, but got worse as the season progressed. Glen "Big Baby" Davis is a joke and his nick name tells you everything you need to know about him. He looks like a grown up baby and complains like one too.
The coach is Doc Rivers, another one of the most overrated people in basketball. He's won a championship, but what people forget, the year before that title, he was almost fired. The Celtics wanted to get rid of him, but instead they traded for Allen and Garnett and won a title. After that team disbanded, Rivers was traded to the Clippers to be not only the coach, but the GM too. His coaching philosphy is, complain about officiating, call out reporters that bad mouth his team and to not worry about the defensive end of the floor. He's an average NBA coach that lucked into getting two of the top 100 players of all time in their prime and win one championship. As a GM, he's terrible. He's made bad decisions left and right. He may be the worst GM in all of sports.
The last thing I want to touch on, as to why I hate the Clippers, is their ownership. First of all, they were owned by HUGE racist and all around horrible monster of a human breath, Donald Sterling. He is a worse version of Donald Trump and I loathe Donald Trump. Now, they're owned by eccentric billionaire Steve Ballmer. Every time I see this weirdo jumping up and down and screaming into a microphone on TV, I want to punch him right in the chest. He has no idea what he's doing, but if he continues to show enthusiasm, the chuckle heads at ESPN will continue to say how great he is for the game of basketball. He's the opposite of that. He's a thorn in the side of basketball, and he has forever inflated the actual worth of a team by buying the Clippers for 2 billion dollars. He's ruined it for every other potential buyer or current owner in the league. Every team that's purchased from here on out will be bought for way more than they're worth. Lots of people are going to end up losing a lot of money.
This team, while it may not seem on the surface, is still in as much turmoil as they were when Sterling owned the team. It's a different turmoil. And, if you don't agree with me, look at what season ticket holder Bill Simmons has been saying on social media about the Clippers. He believes that they may be in worse shape. These are the many reasons I hate the Clippers. They're a franchise that hasn't won anything of importance ever, yet act like they're the best team in the NBA.
I hate you Los Angeles Clippers, and I'll always hate you.
Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the co-host of the X Millennial Man podcast. He did not get to talk about the Clippers, but hear Ty go over a few more overrated teams. When you are done listening throw Ty a follow on twitter @tykulik.