Ty Ranks the 2018 NFL Teams: Folgers Coffee with Powdered Creamer Edition

Welcome back to Day 3 of my annual NFL preview. These are not the worst teams, but they are also not very good.

Let's get to it.

Today's preview begins with the team that I think will be one spot ahead of the Seahawks in the same division, coming in at number 24, the Arizona Cardinals. The reason I have the Cardinals one spot ahead, they have a better defense, but that is it. The Cardinals actually have a very solid defense. I know they lost Tyrann Mathieu, but they still have Patrick Peterson, and that is more than enough to make up a solid secondary. Their line backing corps is so so, but their D line is stout. They can stop teams. They also have a new, defensive minded head coach. I liked Bruce Arians, but his time was up. Their offense is why I have them this far down. Yes, Carson Palmer finally, mercifully retired. He is the quintessential "what could have been" QB. If his knee didn't get shredded in the playoff game years ago, he could have been one of the greats. Since that injury though, he was so up and down for the rest of his career. Last year was rough. They still have Larry Fitzgerald, and he is an all time great. He is the best receiver of my generation. He might be the second best receiver ever, behind only Jerry Rice. Unfortunately, he never got much help. The Cardinals have other receivers, but they are all short, burners. They are fast, but that is it. They do get David Johnson back, but how good will he be coming off that gruesome injury last year? Time will tell. If he is anything close to what he was 2 years ago, the Cardinals might be a surprise. But, it is too early to tell. To replace Palmer the Cardinals drafted Josh Rosen. Rosen was my favorite QB in the draft, and I think he will be a solid NFL player. But, he does have turnover problems, and he trusts his arm way too much. He is the type of player that needs one year in waiting before he takes over. Unfortunately, Sam Bradford is the other option at QB. He is going to get hurt, and that will force Rosen into action. That is what Bradford does. The Cardinals should be better, but they won't because their offense is so suspect. I like this team, but 7-9 feels like their ceiling. But, I do feel like Rosen is a QB they can build around.

At number 23 I have the Buffalo Bills. Can someone explain to me what in the hell this team tried to do this offseason? It makes absolutely no sense. They let Tyrod Tylor go, and he led them to the playoffs last year. They traded up to take Josh Allen, my least favorite QB in the draft, when they could have gotten him at their original spot. They have this whole LeSean McCoy fiasco going on right now. Kelvin Benjamin is out here taking shots at Cam Newton. It is baffling. This team was in the playoffs last year, and now, I think they might be one of the worst teams in the NFL. The QB battle is between Nathan Petermann, of the 4 interceptions in the first half of a game fame, AJ McCarron, who is better known for having a very attractive wife, and the aforementioned Josh Allen. Yeesh. I'd much rather have Tyrod Taylor. Who knows what is going on with that run game. Benjamin is their best wide out, and that is not saying much. The O line is okay, but that doesn't really matter. The offense is a mess. The defense is solid though. They will keep them in games. They have heavy hitters, good coverage guys and can rush the passer. The playoff game against he Jags last year was an affront to football, but the Bills did play great defense in that game. The Bills made too many dumb offseason moves to make a return to the playoffs. They will regret letting Tyrod Taylor go. This is a 6 win team at the very best. I'm still shocked at their offseason.

At number 22 I have the Baltimore Ravens. First things first, I love that they traded up to take Lamar Jackson. He should be their QB of the future. I love Lamar Jackson, and I think with a few years of learning the NFL game, he could be Mike Vick 2.0. But, until then, they still have Joe Flacco. Flacco reminds me a lot of a guy like Joe Theismann. Both weren't that great of pros, but because they won a Super Bowl, they get undue credit. Flacco has a monster arm, but he is inaccurate, slow, makes dumb decisions and he just doesn't seem to care. He is not a good QB, and I don't really think he ever was. They do have a solid run game, which they should rely on more than they do. I also like that they brought in Michael Crabtree. But, it is all a wash when you remember that Joe Flacco is the starting QB. Their defense is okay, but that is it. Everyone is just old. I love Terrell Suggs, but I feel like he has been in the league for a billion years. They have that solid corner that played at Colorado, but he is in his sixth or seventh year. I feel like this team is just begging to bring back Elvis Dumervil, or sign a guy like Dwight Freeney, because they need some older dudes on that side of the ball. I like John Harbaugh. He has won a Super Bowl, and he is Jim Harbaugh's older brother. But, it might be curtains for him if he continues to stick with Flacco. Flacco will only continue to hold this team back. They have 7-9 or 8-8 written all over them. 

My final team for the day, coming in at number 21, is the San Francisco 49ers. I know, I know, they have all the hype in the world, but I do not buy it. They will most likely get second in their division, but it is only because the Seahawks are going to take a major step back, and the Cardinals are a team filled with uncertainties. The Rams, I will get to them next week, are light years ahead of them. Also, everyone is saying this team is on the rise because they now have a franchise QB, Jimmy Garropolo. I think he is okay, but he is not a franchise QB. Just because they won their last three games with him at QB, against poor competition, doesn't make him suddenly great. Just because he played in New England and sat behind Tom Brady doesn't make him great. Just because he is handsome doesn't make him great. Just because Kyle Shanahan called plays in Matt Ryan's MVP year doesn't make Garropolo great.  In the three game she started he threw 7 TDs to 5 interceptions. Yes, they won all three, but who cares. Outside of Jimmy G, what do the 49ers truly have. They have the rotting corpse of Pierre Garcon. Great. They have no real run game. Their O line is suspect. I don't even know any other skill players on that side of the ball. And on defense, they aren't there yet. I like Soloman Thomas. Richard Sherman was an okay pickup, but he is coming off a torn ACL. Reuben Foster is a woman abuser. DeForest Buckner is a bit undersized. And Arik Armstead is just not cutting it yet. I have no real faith in their defense. So, don't listen to people like Bill Simmons, or any writer on The Ringer's NFL staff, because they all love Jimmy G. That is the only reason why those guys think they will "take the leap" this year. I am very curious to see how Garropolo performs with high expectations, and as the starter from day one. I see a very similar dynamic between him and Matt Cassel after he left the Patriots. Don't get your hopes that high 49er fans. You guys still have a ton of work to do.

That does it for today. Come back tomorrow for my next 4 teams.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. Unlike Joe Flacco, there is no debate on if Ty is an elite sports knower. Ty is elite. End of debate.

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