Ty Ranks the 2018 NFL Teams: Gas Station Cappuccino Edition

Before I get into day 4 of my NFL preview, I need to say RIP to Aretha Franklin. She was one of, if not the, greatest souls singers of all time. She had a magnetic voice, and I loved every song she sang. Her version of "Respect" is wonderful. Her "A Change is Gonna Come" is fantastic. She was amazing, and she will be sorely missed. Rest in Peace Aretha Franklin, you are a legend.

Okay, lets get into my NFL preview.

Today I have teams 20- 17. Some people may see these teams and think, why are they so high or low. It needs to be stated that I think none of the teams I mention today are playoff contenders or hopefuls. These teams will win 9 games at the very, very best. Okay, on with it.

At number 20 I have the Chicago Bears. I view the Bears pretty much the exact same way I view the 49ers. I know I had the 49ers at 21 and the Bears at 20, but they are pretty much interchangeable. Both teams have a QB that is getting a ton of hype. I don't believe in Jimmy Garropolo, as I stated yesterday, but I really don't believe what is being said about Mitch Trubisky. I do not think he is good at all. He is a bust. I pretty much have no doubt about that. He is inconsistent and, for being considered a dual threat, kind of plodding. Playing out of shotgun may help, but I don't think so. Some may think he will have a Jared Goff type jump in his second year, but I don't. Also, Goff has a hell of a running game behind him, which leads me to what I actually like about the Bears. They have a great 1-2 punch at running back. Jordan Howard and Tarik Cohen are perfect compliments for one another. Howard is more the traditional type bac, and Cohen can run and make catches. They are good. I don't really believe much in their pass game, mostly due to Trubisky. But, they don't really have many solid receivers. They lost their best one last year, Alshon Jeffrey, and they never really replaced him. The Bears defense is okay, but not great. Their best player is a rookie that they just signed. Roqoun Smith is awesome, and I have mad respect for him for fighting the team until he got what he wanted. But outside Smith, the Bears defense is thin. They will give up points, and the offense won't be able to utilize their best aspect, the run game, as much as they should. 7 wins seem like the ceiling, and that is sad because I bet Bears fans would kill for 7 wins.

At number 19 I have the Cincinnati Bengals. Sorry RD, I don't know if this is too high or low (ed note: Way too high), and that is the problem. Also, I cannot believe they brought Marvin Lewis back. (ed note: ughhhh) What has he done to continually get contract after contract after contract? It's confounding. He's an okay coach, but he has done all he can do with this team. Which leads me to the rest of the team. They are, for the most part, just like Lewis. Andy Dalton is trash, and he will never be the franchise QB they thought he was. How have they not cut him yet. Their run game is as bland as baked chicken. Gio Bernard is not nearly as good as he was that one year. Also, Joe Mixon shouldn't be in the league. Tyler Eifert is going to get hurt. The only solid player they have is AJ Green, and he deserves so, so, so much better. They should trade him, but they won't, or if they try, they will find a way to screw it up. The Bengals defense is dirty, and not good. Vontez Burfict is already suspended. They have no secondary. This team is just dry and boring and not very good. I feel like they will win, maybe, 6 games, but somehow that will be enough to get Marvin Lewis another extension. Sorry Bengals fans, you guys are in some type of awful purgatory. Maybe it will end soon.

At number 18 I have the Oakland Raiders. The Raiders were like the Buccaneers to me last year. In fact, I had them in the AFC title game. Boy was I wrong. They imploded last year. Derek Carr totally regressed. They had no real run game, even after signing Marshawn Lynch. Amari Cooper dropped every pass that was thrown his way, except for the one game that I sat him on my bench in fantasy football and he went off. Their O line, their supposed strength, was not great. I don't know how they remedy all that this year. And on defense, they are in the dumbest kind of stand off with their best player, and team leader, Khalil Mack. Mack is a great, great linebacker, and the Raiders are being so dumb with the contract negotiations. Also, they have no one, and I mean NO ONE, that is near his talent level. They need Mack if they want any semblance of a defense. They have an old secondary, an even older D line and only Mack at linebacker, who they will most likely trade. Also, they gave Jon Gruden a 10 year 100 million dollar contract to be their coach. What the hell?! That is nuts. He was never really that good a coach. Yes, he won a Super Bowl, but that seems lost in the wind. Besides that one year, he was worse than average. And he has been away from the game for a decade. Jon Gruden will not be a viable head coach. The Raiders are a mess again. They had their window, and it seems like it has already closed. Please trade Mack to the Packers. That would be awesome.

My final team for the day, at number 17, I have the Los Angeles Chargers. I need to get this out of the way first, I'm sick of every other football writer, for what seems like the last 3 or 4 years, saying that the Chargers are their "sleeper" team. The Chargers always shit the bed, so why is this year any different? Well, they do have a very good defense, with some young, super talented guys. That defense should be enough for a couple wins. They have an exceptional pass rush as well. No, the defense is not the problem. What the Chargers lack, and what will continue to hold them back from being a "sleeper" team, is their QB. While I think Phillip Rivers is better than some other guys out there, namely his draft mate Eli Manning, he has never, in his entire career, played in a big time playoff or regular season game. Sure, he puts up numbers, throws for 4,000 yards a year and 25 plus TD's, but it all feels hollow to me. He is old. He has taken too many hits. He talks too much shit for a dude that has never won an important game. He blames everyone around him. Rivers is old, and I feel like the Chargers need to move on. As far as the rest of the offense goes, Melvin Gordon had a much better second year, but he is not the player the Chargers thought they were getting when they drafted him top 15 two years ago. He also fumbles a lot. They do have Keenan Allen, but he is a few concussions away from being out of the league. Oh, and Antonio Gates is back again, but he isn't a quarter of the guy he was 5 years ago. The Chargers are a lot like the Bengals on offense. They are stuck back in time, and have no intentions of changing. That will continue to hold them back. Phillip Rivers has done all he can for this franchise, which is nothing, and they need to find his replacement now. I'm sure other writers will still call them a "sleeper", and claim that this year they will finally "make the leap". Well, I don't buy it. 8-8 looks like their best case scenario.

That does it for today. Come back tomorrow for the next 4 teams. We are getting oh so close to real playoff contenders.

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast. He has way too much faith in the Cincinnati football team. Winning is bad for the Bengals. That means more people will come to the Queen City and see their terrible tax payer funded stadium. The Bengals don't want that.

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