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Ty Ranks the 2023 NFL Teams: Flat Faygo Chocolate Cream Soda Division

The next ten days of my blog are going to be football related. I want to let the readers know going ahead. We have both the NFL and NCAA seasons right around the corner, and you all know how much I enjoy football, especially college football. I love doing these blogs also. They are some of my favorites. For the next eight days I will rank the NFL teams from 32-1, then I'll do my postseason and awards predictions on day nine. Day ten is dedicated to college football, and I will do my massive preview and predictions then. Gear up everyone, football is near. This blog will have to suffice until then.

Okay, coming in at dead last in my preseason ranking, at number 32 I have the Arizona Cardinals. This team was a playoff team just a few short years ago. But look at where they are now. Kyler Murray is coming off a pretty devastating injury and looked disillusioned before he got hurt. Deandre Hopkins has been replaced by the undersized Rondale Moore. The o line is not the best. James Conner's prime came and went a while ago. I could say the same for Zach Ertz. The defense is very thin, and their best player, Budda Baker, will most likely be on a different team before this season ends. The Cardinals stink. They will not win many games, and they may be the best bet to get the first overall pick in the 2024 draft.

At 31 I have the Houston Texans. I very much like the CJ Stroud and Will Anderson pick. I'm all in on both of them. I know Stroud looked rough in his preseason debut, but the dude can play. He will figure it out. And Will Anderson can wreck backfields right away. He was a beast in college, he has the determination to blow up and I think he will be an upper tier edge rusher sooner rather than later. Outside those guys, it is not great. Nico Collins is an okay receiver, but not a number one guy yet. I don't even know who Dameon Pierce is, but he is the projected running back starter. Robert Woods is cashed as an upper level wideout. The o line is meh. They overpaid for Dalton Schultz. The defense, outside Anderson Jr, is either too young and not ready, or a bunch of no names. Derek Stingley is good, but he may get traded. Sheldon Rankins had a moment, but who knows if that will happen again. I like that they picked Henry To'oTo'o, but he isn't a starter yet. The Texans are still rebuilding. They made some solid picks this past draft, but that won't pay off right away. They need time. But don't expect a quick rebuild.

At number 30 I have the Las Vegas Raiders. I have very little hope for this team. They have made some wild offseason decisions. Some would call their offseason head scratching. I would be part of that some. I also think Josh McDaniles is way in over his head and thinks he is a better coach than he really is. To not give Josh Jacobs an extension is dumb. He is one of the better backs in the league, he was their leader on offense and he will not play for them again. That is my prediction. He is going to be traded very soon. They replaced Derek Carr, who is wildly overrated, with Jimmy Garroppolo. I mean, Garoppolo is either hurt or, at best, a game manager. That won't mesh with no Josh Jacobs. Davante Adams deserves better than this. I know he wanted out of Green Bay, but him having to play for this team feels cruel. He's too good to be wasted on this team. The o line is good, but they will have an entire new backfield to block for that will not be as good as it was a season ago. The defense is good, but they will be wasted as well. They will have to win games, and they are not equipped for that much responsibility. Marcus Peters is awesome. So is Maxx Crosby. Chandler Jones still has moments, but the defense will be tasked with too much and it will show by the middle of the year. The Raiders should be better, but due to the front office and coaching staff, they are going to find it tough to be competitive.

The final team for the day, at number 29 I have the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. They're going to try Baker Mayfield now. We have already seen how that story goes. They let Leonard Fournette walk and replaced him with Rachaad White. Who is that? Mike Evans is in a similar situation to Davante Adams. His talent is wasted here. Chris Godwin deserves better. The o line deserves better. They have no QB and run game. Scoring will be tough. The defense is nowhere near what they were when they won the Super Bowl in 2020. Everyone who is still on the team from then is older. Devin White is still good, but not the player he was in 2020. Antoine Winfield Jr is one of the better safeties in the league, but not a marquee guy anymore. Shaquil Barrett has the goods, but he has not been consistent yet. Lavonte Davis is dope, but he lacks consistency as well. Vita Vea is more known for shotgunning Gatorade than anything else at this point in his career. This team is a far cry from its Super Bowl championship, and I have zero faith in Baker Mayfield being a good starter ever in the NFL. The Bucs are going to have a tough season.

That is it for today. Come back for the next four teams tomorrow. 

Ty

Ty is the Pop Culture editor for SeedSing and the other host of the X Millennial Man Podcast.

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